Visitation Rights
by firefly
Summary: It was ironic that in comparing her friends' lives to soap operas, Ino's own life would suddenly become as surreal as a daytime talk show. Ino. Deidara. Crackfic.
1. You Are the Father

Visitation Rights

By: firefly

Note: this was originally supposed to be a oneshot addition to my collection "Crack Whims," but it got way too long and I've decided it's too much fun to keep short. Expect this to be a couple of chapters or more, depending on where I decide to take it. Also expect this to make very little sense and be supremely cracky. Forgive the shortness of the first chapter; the next one will definitely be longer. Enjoy, and reviews are always love!

Visitation Rights ch.1

Ino had always counted herself as one of the lucky few in her generation to go through life with two loving parents, a great genin team, good looks, and a complete and utter lack of family drama.

She was remarkably normal compared to most shinobi, and that was something she was proud of. At least, she had been until the day news came regarding the capture and immobilization of a certain missing-nin.

Of course, the matter had been of no concern to the Yamanaka family until Inoichi had been called on to probe the captive's brain for information regarding the Akatsuki's whereabouts. In the desire to watch her father work and learn from him, Ino accompanied him to the specialized interrogative holding cells.

The building was surrounded by concrete walls and electric fences, not to mention monitored every five feet by cameras and security checkpoints. She stayed close as Inoichi passed through the halls and to the holding cells, where Ibiki handed him a folder and briefed him about the captive.

Inoichi let out a low whistle. "Sounds like a doozy. Where is he?"

"In Cell X," Ibiki said grimly. "He had a bunch of body modifications we needed to incapacitate before letting you down here. The guy was literally a walking time bomb."

"Hmm, and only nineteen, huh?" Inoichi mused, looking over the file. "Well, let's meet our little bomb-happy friend."

When Ibiki led them down the hall and into the cell, Ino found herself facing a sheet of glass separating them from the prisoner.

At first she thought she was standing on the wrong side of a two-way mirror, staring at her own reflection and wondering when the hell she'd gotten so tan. But then the reflection raised its head and it suddenly occurred to her that it was in fact a young man wearing a straitjacket.

Before he or she could muster a reaction, Inoichi stepped into the cell, took one look at its occupant and immediately let out a choked cry.

"What's wrong?" Ibiki demanded, rushing to his side when he suddenly collapsed to his knees. "Damn it, I didn't think he could use genjutsu—"

"Dad, are you okay?" Ino cried, alarmed by the way every ounce of blood seemed to drain out of her father's face.

"No," Inoichi said hoarsely, grabbing Ibiki's arm to stop him getting help. "It's not that. It's..." He swallowed hard and seemed to compose himself. "Did you do a physical? Blood test?"

"Yes," Ibiki said, sounding somewhat bewildered now. "Why?"

"Is he originally from Iwagakure?"

"It says that in his file, Yamanaka. What's wrong with you?"

Inoichi stared at him, face completely devoid of colour. "...I need you to run a paternity test."

Ibiki and Ino both stared at him incredulously.

"Why the hell would you want me to do that?" the interrogator demanded.

"Because," Inoichi said, voice practically a whimper. "I think he's my son."

* * *

That had been ten days ago. It had taken the same amount of time and a weeping Inoichi threatening to kill himself to convince Ino's mother to stay after the results had been confirmed.

If it wasn't shocking enough to learn that you had a long-lost half-brother who happened to be a psychotic terrorist, the fact that Inoichi had kept this secret for twenty years had been the icing on the cake.

"I didn't _know_ he'd turn out like this!" Inoichi wailed in the hokage's office, prostrating himself before his family and a stunned Ibiki and Tsunade. "It was my first mission in Iwagakure. I was only twenty years old and my team and I got drunk in a pub and...there was this woman...it was a foolish thing to do, I admit, but it was before I was even married!

"I left the next day...and I got a telegram from her a few days later telling me she was pregnant, but there was nothing I could do. Once she had him, I sent her a child support cheque every month for four years...and then I got a message telling me she died." He gestured weakly. "After that, I met my wife and had Ino. I only recognized him because she used to send me pictures."

"...well," Tsunade said blankly after a moment's shocked silence, glancing sheepishly at his weeping wife and pale-faced daughter. "Having a citizen directly related to an S-class missing-nin from another village is...unprecedented. The standard procedure for this kind of case is archaic and it hasn't changed since it was established. So until the council decides to implement a new law, we're going to have to go by this..."

Tsunade lifted an ancient-looking scroll for them to see and unfurled it over the surface of her desk.

"Oh, and Yamanaka, you can stop grovelling."

Inoichi gratefully rose to his feet and rejoined his family as Tsunade read through the scroll. By the time she was finished, there was a visible twitch in her eye and she'd uncorked a bottle of sake in plain sight.

"I'm not going to mince words," she said flatly after taking a swig from the bottle. "It says that, due to blood ties and in the effort to maintain Konoha's shinobi population, the prisoner is not to be harmed until he completes a behaviour rehabilitation program."

"What?" Ibiki roared in outrage. "What kind of bullshit law is that?"

Tsunade scowled heavily and peered into her sake bottle. "It was made soon after the village was created. The shinobi population was scarce at the time, so the leaders avoided killing men stemming from their own village, even if they were traitors or missing-nin. It's ridiculous to think you can brainwash someone into rejoining the village, but what can I say?" She shrugged. "They were optimistic back then."

"How does this program work?" Ino suddenly stammered.

Tsunade smiled humourlessly. "Genjutsu, hypnosis, altering brain waves, or, if all else fails, invasive neural alteration. AKA a lobotomy." She paused. "Oh, and mandatory familial visitation."

"What?" Ino's mother screamed.

"At least one family member must spend three hours a week with the prisoner in question," Tsunade read out loud. "In the effort to appeal to the captive through familial bonds."

"But there _are_ no familial bonds!" Inoichi cried, looking stricken as his wife stormed out of the office. "We don't even know him!"

"Either way, Yamanaka, it's the law," Tsunade said tiredly, slapping the scroll closed. "Know him or not, at least one of you two has to commit until the program is completed. If there's no improvement in behaviour by the end of the program, then he'll be executed."

"But I can't!" Inoichi wailed, fisting his fingers into his hair. "My wife will leave me! Do you know I had to threaten to kill myself just to convince her to stay? There's no way I can—"

"Dad!" Ino exclaimed. "Get a grip! I'll do it."

Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "You are aware that this program is doomed to fail? Even more so because the little punk has trained himself to counter genjutsu."

Ino bit her lip before taking a look at her trembling father and nodding. "I understand."

"Fine," Tsunade said with a sigh, dismissing them with a wave of her hand. "You'll get a summons when the time comes."

* * *

Three days later, Ino found herself standing in front of Cell X with an ANBU member by her side, shivering slightly and feeling a lot less confident as she entered the cell alone.

It was mind-boggling to see him again, this time with a perfectly good reason in mind to explain their striking resemblance. When he looked up and saw her, the expression on his face told her he must have been thinking the same thing.

"So," Ino said coldly, crossing her arms and raising her head imperiously. "I guess they told you?"

"Naturally," he said with a sneer. "Who knew I'd be having a family reunion in an interrogation cell."

"Yeah, well, we're not exactly thrilled with the circumstances, either," Ino groused. "It's bad enough I have to acknowledge you as my br—...my relative, so let's just keep it business, all right?"

"You say that like I want to get to know you. You and your family are below me, un."

"I'd be offended if you weren't already wrapped in a straitjacket," she retorted. With that, she brought out the folding chair she'd had tucked under her arm and plopped it down in the centre of the room. Then she took a seat, glanced at her watch, and sat in tense silence.

They stared at each other for a few seconds, eyes narrowed and mouths stubbornly sealed shut. Ino's eyes watered but she refused to blink and break the stare, digging her nails into her arm. In an effort to distract herself, she allowed her eyes to drift slightly to take in the rest of his appearance.

It irked her to see he had practically the same hairstyle but on the reverse side. That, and his hair was a much darker, yellower shade of blonde. He had a similar facial shape and delicate features, but his eyes were strikingly different, more almond-shaped and vividly coloured. His pupils were also unnaturally large.

As if he'd read her mind, he suddenly spoke. "They drugged me."

"So?" she snapped, irritated that he'd noticed her examining him.

"Just keep it in mind, in case anything I say or do comes off as even remotely friendly, un. It's the drugs talking."

"Don't worry; I'm counting on this 'program' being a miserable failure anyway."

"So am I, but only because I'll blow you all sky high with my art before it's over."

Ino opened her mouth to retort, but then gave him a bewildered look. "Art?"

His tone was still acerbic, but his eyes gleamed visibly when he spoke. "Yeah, my art. It's probably beyond the scope of _your_ appreciation, though. As if you know anything about art."

Ino scowled. "If you call blowing shit up art, then it's beyond the scope of anyone. Anyone _sane_, that is. And I'll have you know ikebana is a perfectly accepted and sophisticated art form, and one that I'm the best at."

"Ikebana?" he repeated, blinking. "Flower arrangement?"

"Duh."

He went silent and regarded her contemplatively. She found herself growing uncomfortable beneath his scrutiny and glanced once more at her watch.

A few minutes passed and she felt her head droop in boredom. Shizune had prepared a list of things to help her facilitate a meaningful conversation, but she didn't want to give him the impression of actually being interested in getting to know him. At the same time, she couldn't think of anything to say and dreaded the idea of passing the next fifty minutes in silence.

Pursing her lips, she glanced at the clipboard in her bag and decided giving it a look wouldn't hurt. She deliberately made an effort to pull the clipboard out in plain sight and read it over with what she hoped was a disdainful expression.

Since she had no prior relationship with the captive, Shizune had written out the questions in a way to serve as a basic introduction to each other.

"Hello, Deidara," Ino read dully. "My name is Ino. How are you doing today?"

She didn't look up when he replied, but the amused scorn was evident in his voice. "Just peachy, un."

"Tell me a little about yourself," Ino continued flatly. "What is your favourite colour?"

"What the hell kind of question is that to ask an artist? That's like asking a musician what his favourite note is."

Ino stared at him in disbelief. "Are you taking this seriously?"

"It's better than just sitting here staring at _you_."

Ino glared. "So you expect me to actually read through this crap and pretend that I actually care about your answers?"

"That's why you're here, isn't it?" he sneered.

She clenched her fists. "I'm not here to listen to you feed your own ego for a whole hour, so if we're going to play this stupid game, I think it's fair if I have my turn."

Before he could reply, she cleared her throat and sat up straighter, affecting a fake, sweet tone as she read on. "That's so interesting, nii-san. Can I call you nii-san? Thanks. My favourite colour is purple, but sometimes I also really like blue. Now tell me, what is your favourite food?"

When he didn't answer, she glanced up to see him glaring at her through his bangs. "Don't you dare patronize me, un."

"What's wrong?" Ino replied in a saccharine voice. "Don't want to answer? Fine, we'll just spend the rest of the hour talking about me, then. I think it's important you get to know your little sister."

"I don't give a crap about—"

"Oh, what's my favourite food? Thank you for asking. It's pudding! And I know, it's dreadful for the hips, but what can I say, I have a sweet tooth. Next question: what are your hobbies?"

"If you don't shut up—"

"Shy, are we? Well, I'll just answer for you. I love ikebana and shopping, and taking care of my hair. Sometimes I like booking a whole day at the spa; it's a great way to relax and those mud baths are amazing for the skin. What is your favourite season? Well, I'd say it's a toss-up between—"

"Fall!" Deidara suddenly bellowed. "Now shut up!"

Ino bared her teeth in a malicious grin, glad to see she was finally getting under his skin. Refusing to relent, she raised the clipboard and they continued in that fashion, with her reading the questions and him answering only for the sake of drowning out her own answers. The entire process, which was meant to help them familiarize each other, looked rather demented with the way they were abusing it.

By the end they were both on their feet and face to face at the glass wall, shouting their answers at the tops of their lungs.

"Cats or dogs?"

"Dogs!" he yelled at the same time she hollered, "cats!"

"Beaches or theme parks?"

"Beaches!" they blurted together, pausing just long enough to throw each other disgusted looks.

Ino tossed back her sweaty hair, snarling the next question.

"What is your horoscope?"

"Taurus! Libra!"

"Is the glass half empty or half full?"

"Half empty!" "Half full!"

"A product you can't live without?"

"Clay!" "Conditioner!"

"Favourite subject?"

"_Art_!" they screamed simultaneously at the same moment the ANBU member entered the room.

"What the...?" he said, startled, walking in to find the pair red-faced and gasping for breath. "What happened? Are you all right, Ino-san?"

"Fine," she barked in response, refusing to break her glare with Deidara. "Just fine. You can leave."

"I just came to tell you your time is up."

"What?" Ino blinked, turning away from the glass to look sceptically at the ANBU member. "Are you sure?"

"It's actually five past," he answered, bemused by her shocked expression. "I thought you would have left by now."

Against her will, Ino turned her head sharply to glance at Deidara, who had forced a stoic expression over his face that was betrayed by the twitching vein in his forehead.

Deflating, she ran a hand through her hair and cleared her throat, finding her voice slightly hoarse. "Um, yeah. Thanks for reminding me. I was just leaving."

Without a backwards glance, she stuffed the clipboard into her bag and ran out of the cell.


	2. Maybe It's Hereditary

Visitation Rights

By: firefly

Note: Thank you to everyone for reviewing the last chapter. :D Not much to say here, except I needed to give Ino's mother a name, so it's definitely not from canon. Second, this is only going to get crackier from here. XD Enjoy, and reviews are always love.

Visitation Rights ch.2

Ino glanced at the mirror for the umpteenth time, staring critically at her reflection before nervously adjusting her cardigan and skirt. She was brimming with excitement and first-date jitters, finding herself incapable of sitting still in anticipation of her date's arrival.

"Mom!" Ino called when she saw her descending the stairs. "How do I look? Do you think I should change?"

"You look beautiful, Ino," her mother trilled, clasping her hands under her chin. "Oh, your first date. How cute!"

At that very moment, the doorbell rang and Ino released a muffled squeal into her hands before fanning herself, taking a few deep breaths, and forcing herself to look casual before she moved towards the door to answer it.

She reached for the doorknob and her heart thudded with anticipation, butterflies dancing in her stomach as she pictured her date standing outside, looking heartbreakingly gorgeous and holding what she hoped was a box of chocolates. She turned the doorknob, about to pull the door open when Inoichi's voice suddenly rang out from behind her.

"Ino, honey, aren't you forgetting something?"

She sighed and rolled her eyes, turning to glance over her shoulder. "I know, dad, my curfew's at—"

She stopped short, eyes widening in horror when she saw who was standing behind her.

"Not that, silly!" Inoichi exclaimed, laughing heartily and clasping the shoulders of a grinning Deidara. "You almost left your brother behind!"

"But...dad..." Ino stammered, eyes darting between her father and mother's beaming faces. "I'm going on a _date_. I can't—"

"Be sure you keep him away from anything sharp or flammable," her mother chimed, pinching Deidara's cheek, completely oblivious to his attempt at biting her. "We've grown rather fond of Deidara-chan. It was such a good idea to adopt him."

"A-Adopt?" Ino echoed, voice growing faint. "When did—?"

"Now, now, don't keep your date waiting," Inoichi admonished, opening the door and pushing her and Deidara out. "And remember, keep an eye on your brother!"

The door slammed shut and Ino found herself staring at it in numb shock, unable to comprehend what had just happened. Then, quite suddenly, she realized with a thrill of terror that she'd left her date waiting and Deidara unsupervised.

Ino whipped around and saw the two standing a few meters away from the house. She opened her mouth to call out to them, but found her voice stuck in her throat. At the same time, their voices seemed to be magnified and echoed back to her—

"So you're Ino's long-lost brother?" her date asked, stupidly accepting a piece of gum from him. "Are you chaperoning or something?"

"Yeah," Deidara said in a tone that was far too friendly to be considered normal, and to her mounting horror, Ino noticed him backing away and forming a hand seal. "Though I should warn you, I tend to be slightly overprotective."

"Oh yeah? How come?"

"Nothing personal," Deidara said amicably, wearing a huge grin. "It's just because of a problem a majority of guys have."

Her vapid date blew a bubble, allowing it to swell to the size of a grapefruit, then let it hover between his lips for a few seconds before it popped—and exploded.

A tremendous bang filled the air and an opaque cloud of smoke and flame engulfed his head, followed almost immediately by the gentle pitter-patter of raining brain matter.

"...most guys," Deidara continued cheerfully once the smoke had subsided, strolling forward to pluck the box of chocolate from the corpse's hands, "just don't have a good head on their shoulders, un."

This time Ino managed to scream, throwing her arms over her face to block the horrendous sight, then opened her eyes to find herself tangled in a mass of blankets on the floor of her room.

"Ino! Are you all right?" her mother called from downstairs. Ino stopped flailing as soon as she heard her mother's voice, recognizing the familiar clanging of pots and pans as she prepared breakfast.

It took Ino a moment to realize the entire thing had been a hideous nightmare and she almost choked out of relief, crawling out of the tangled blanket and raising her head towards the door.

"Y-Yeah! I'm fine!" she answered, before dropping back into her bed with a shudder.

She laid there until her heart resumed a normal tempo, expression set in a grimace as she tried to force the disturbing images of the dream out of her mind; Deidara living with them? Her having to take that maniac everywhere with her? Mom and dad _adopting_ him?

Ino shuddered again, wrapping her arms around herself as she got out of bed and hobbled towards the bathroom.

They'd only had one meeting so far and the creep had already invaded her dreams. The thought of spending two more hours with him this week and then for as long as it took to amend that ridiculous visitation law made her want to crawl under her bed and never come out.

After splashing some cold water on her face, Ino miserably trudged out of the bathroom and down the stairs, emerging into the kitchen where her father sat at the table. Relief washed over Inoichi's face when his daughter came into view and Ino immediately realized why.

"Thank you, Sumi love," he said gingerly as his wife dropped his bagged lunch on the table with a dull thump.

She didn't respond and turned back towards the stove, ignoring her husband's dejected look.

"What can I do?" he mouthed helplessly to Ino, holding his hands up in a gesture of defeat.

"I think we should talk in there," Ino mouthed back with a warning look, gesturing to the dining room.

He nodded fervently and stood up, glancing cautiously at his wife for permission to leave. When she said nothing, he hurriedly grabbed Ino's hand and sped out of the room.

"Dad," Ino said with a sigh once he'd slumped despairingly into one of the dining room chairs. "She'll get over it. Just give her some time."

"How do you know?" he asked miserably, lifting his head from his arms. "Your mother has never been this upset with me before."

"Yeah, well, I don't blame her," Ino huffed, taking a seat next to him and rolling her eyes at his hurt look. "Dad, come on. We all know you messed up. But then again we all know mom loves you and she'll forgive you, even if it takes longer than you'd like. And I would know," she concluded with a sage nod. "I'm a woman."

Inoichi nodded slowly, and though he still looked miserable, some of the colour returned to his face. "Yes, well, I'll just be sure to keep my mouth shut until she decides she wants to speak to me again. I made the mistake of mentioning _him_ again last night."

Ino groaned in exasperation. "Dad...!"

"I know," he muttered, kneading his forehead. "I won't be doing that again. Speaking of which...how did your meeting go last night?"

Ino's expression immediately clouded over. "All I can say is: I'm glad they plan on executing him once this is over."

"That bad?" Inoichi ventured with a wince.

"Worse," she said flatly. "Dad, he's a freakin' nutjob. And so temperamental, ugh. And he makes these weird grunting noises when he talks and he's just...he's just—pardon my French—a complete _douchebag_!"

"Don't let your mother hear you using that kind of language," he reminded her, throwing a nervous glance over his shoulder. "And it's only been your first meeting. Maybe it'll get better from here."

Ino gave him a blank look. "Dad. He's a member of the Akatsuki. An S-class missing-nin."

"I know, but..." he paused to knead his forehead again, sounding awkward. "He's still my son, so he must have _some_ redeeming qualities. You two had nothing in common?"

"Nothing," Ino said vehemently, until she recalled their game of twenty questions. "Well, except art is both of our favourite subjects, but it ends there. His method involves blowing stuff up."

"Well, did you tell him about your ikebana?"

"Yeah," she mumbled.

"And?"

Ino recalled the way something akin to intrigue had crept into Deidara's features when she'd mentioned it. At her silence, Inoichi raised an eyebrow.

"Yeah, but...I don't think he was all that interested in it," Ino finished with a shrug.

He sighed. "I'm sorry for putting you through this, Ino. I know it must be hard, but...for your sake more than anyone else's, maybe you should try building on what you do have in common. It'll make the experience a little more bearable if you're talking about something you both like."

"Easier said than done," she scoffed, crossing her arms. "But because I have no choice and don't want you to worry about me..." Ino sighed, resignedly hanging her head. "I guess there's no harm in trying."

Inoichi smiled and patted her on the back. "Good. Hope your team won't miss you too much."

"No," she mumbled, thinking of Shikamaru and Chouji. "They were told I had to be pulled out of missions for a while because of extraneous circumstances or whatever. Nobody knows about it yet, do they?"

"No," Inoichi said uncomfortably. "Godaime-sama swore the interrogation team and ANBU to secrecy. We'd be a laughing stock if news of this got out to the general population, not to mention other villages. And thank goodness, because I don't think your mother could handle it if everyone else found out."

Ino pictured people's reactions and inwardly grudged the irony of finally having something unique in common with her crush, Sasuke; now they both had notoriously insane criminals for brothers.

"Yeah," Ino finally said with a sigh, rising to her feet. "If anyone asks, I'll just say I'm helping you with a tough mind probe or something."

"That's giving yourself a little too much credit, isn't it?" her father said teasingly, following her back to the kitchen.

"Very funny. By the way, could I borrow a few bucks?"

"Hm? What for?"

Ino poured herself a cup of tea and sat down at the table, waiting till her mother was out of earshot before whispering. "He said he's an artist, remember? I'll have my flowers, but I need to buy something for him to use."

"Oh, right," Inoichi said sheepishly, reaching for his wallet. "What are you getting? Paint?"

"Nope," Ino said calmly, taking a sip of her tea. "Play-Doh."

* * *

When Ino entered the interrogation base this time around, the guards seized the extra materials she'd brought with her and subjected them to various scanners and chemical analyzers to ensure they contained no explosive material.

"They're just flowers!" she exclaimed as they sorted through the bouquet.

"Sorry, Yamanaka. Standard procedure. And it's against protocol to give anything to the prisoner—"

"This. Is. _Play-Doh_," Ino said through gritted teeth, pulling the lid off the container and shoving it in the guard's face. "It's made of flour and water, for God's sake! What's he gonna do, use it as a projectile? Render the ingredients into nitroglycerin? Gimme a break. You're not the one who has to spend an hour in there with that freak."

"...we'll have to give him an extra shot of sedative for safety's sake," the guard said stiffly.

"Fine, whatever. Dope him up for all I care," Ino declared, following him through the halls as he radioed someone to relay the instructions.

A few minutes later, Ino stood before the door to Cell X and handed the jars of Play-Doh off to the guard. A buzzer blared and the door slid open. Taking a deep breath, Ino stepped inside.

For a moment, she stared blankly at the glass wall separating the room in two, momentarily taken aback at what looked like an empty cell. But then she took a few steps forward and saw him.

He was sprawled facedown over the floor, devoid of the straitjacket and dressed in a white prison jumpsuit. Ino stared at him, momentarily struck with the hope that he'd died, but then his fingers twitched and he laboriously lolled his head over the floor in the effort to get up.

_Oh, right, the drugs_, Ino realized, watching him as he struggled to his hands and knees, breathing heavily. Eventually, he managed to turn himself over and slump back onto his behind, supporting himself on his hands and raising his head to look blearily up at her.

"Hi," Ino said blankly.

He blinked a few times, looking extremely confused until recognition dawned on his features.

"You again," he spat, brows knitting in anger. "What the hell do you want this time?"

"Jeez, they must've given you enough to knock out a bull," Ino commented, ignoring the question and raising an eyebrow at his quaking limbs. Her eyes lingered on his hands, where two permanent disabling seals had been emblazoned over his palms. She bit back her curiosity and plopped herself down to the floor near the glass so that they were facing each other at eye-level.

"Okay, so, since our last meeting was pretty much a pathetic failure in every sense of the word, I've decided it's time to take a more proactive approach."

Deidara stared at her, blinking furiously in the effort to stop her image swaying in and out of focus. Eventually, he managed to compose himself enough to sit up without having to lean on his hands.

The girl was setting out what looked like two vases, a bunch of flowers, and a few small canisters.

"You should be getting yours any second now," she said suddenly.

As if on cue, the small metal door that was used to push his food through suddenly opened and several of the same small canisters rolled forward, stopping once they ran into the side of his thigh.

"Think of it this way," she said as he weakly gripped one of the cans and raised it to read the label. "You and I hate each other and nothing is going to change that, but we might as well spend our time talking about stuff that we actually enjoy. You said you can't live without clay, right? So I got you the next best thing."

"Play-Doh," Deidara read flatly.

"Right. I had to argue with the guard to give you even that, so you better appreciate it."

"_Play-Doh_," Deidara repeated, voice quavering with rage. "You think this is a good substitute for my clay?"

"I know," she sighed. "It's blue. But besides that, it's practically the same thi—" Ino stopped mid-sentence, nearly jumping out of her skin when Deidara flung the container against the glass wall.

"Don't demean my art with that crap!" he shouted when she looked at him incredulously. "I'm an artist, not a pre-schooler! When I get out, I'll show you what my real clay is capable of! I'll bomb this place into a smoking hole in the—"

"Oh, shut up!" Ino snapped, flinging the can back at the wall, the resulting thud drowning him out. "You're in no position to complain, you ungrateful prick. Be thankful someone around here is nice enough to make your last days on earth somewhat bearable. Another outburst like that and I'll make sure they use elephant tranquilizer on you next time."

Deidara stared at her, chest heaving out of fury and the strain it was taking to keep himself sitting up. She returned the glare defiantly, inwardly mollified when he made a sound of disgust and finally looked away.

Ino was adept enough at reading body language and facial expressions to know that he was in no state or mood to partake in artistic discussion. So with a shrug, she decided to give him the time he needed to cool off and busied herself by arranging the flowers into the vase.

Perhaps it was due to the intrinsically depressant effects of the sedatives, but he stopped glowering sooner than she'd anticipated. But then again, it took a lot of energy to maintain that level of aggression, and he seemed nowhere near capable of doing so.

As she hummed idly to herself and sorted the blooms in the vase, his malevolent expression eventually receded into one of grudging acceptance and he looked over at her to see what she was doing.

"This is rikka shofutai style," Ino announced at some point during the silence. "It's more formal and pattern-based than rikka shimputai."

She twisted, turned, and adjusted the blooms until she felt she'd achieved the optimum arrangement and turned it towards him with a flourish.

Silence.

She raised her head, blinking at the sight of him gazing intently at the finished product. To her surprise, he seemed to be considering it, fervid eyes trailing meticulously over every petal and stem.

She honestly expected him to react disparagingly simply for the sake of pissing her off, but he remained silent. Curiosity took hold as she glanced between him and her vase and she genuinely began to wonder what he thought of her efforts. Eventually, she couldn't resist asking.

"Well? What do you think?"

He narrowed his eyes slightly when he looked at her, but then the furrow in his brow receded as he glanced back at the vase. "It's decent, un."

For the first time in his presence, Ino found herself smiling, albeit briefly and privately because she didn't want him to think his acknowledgment meant anything to her. She also felt a twinge of respect for him as an artist, now, realizing that despite his blatant insanity, he was still professionally objective enough to appreciate her efforts from an aesthetic point of view.

"Now I'll show you my specialty," she said, setting her second vase forward. "Rikka shimputai style. You need a good eye and a feel for texture to be as awesome at this as I am."

_Hell, if he can boast all he wants about his batshit form of art, then I have the right to do the same_, Ino thought inwardly as she put the arrangement together.

Her first vase had contained mostly vines and darker flowers with small, delicate petals arranged in a systematic fashion. In stark contrast, her second vase stood out with an asymmetrical assortment of vibrantly coloured flowers and leaves, with the most colourful blooms clustered in the centre and the dark stems and vines arching up and away to the left.

"Voila. I love doing both styles, but this kind's my favourite. It's just so much more..." Ino trailed off, glancing between the two and searching for the right word.

"Dynamic."

She glanced up when he spoke. Although his voice was brusque, it held none of its usual bite.

"It has more energy and movement." He cocked his head at it, squinting. "This one is better than the first, un."

Ino raised an eyebrow in surprise. "...thanks. I guess we have more in common than I thought."

He gave her a churlish look. "That doesn't mean anything. You don't know anything about my art."

"Then just show me," Ino shot back, shaking a can of Play-Doh at him. "What have you got to lose? Your pride? Well, sorry to break it to you, but I don't think you can sink any lower than being medicated and confined to a padded room."

He clenched his jaw at the remark, but reluctantly picked up a jar of the Play-Doh anyway. With a grimace, he pulled the lid off and dumped the putty into his hands.

"This is inferior to my clay in every way, un. And my art is incomplete without my jutsu. My jutsu _is_ my art."

"You mean blowing stuff up?" Ino said flatly.

"It's more than that!" he snapped. "That's only a part of it, the part that shows that true beauty is fleeting and shouldn't be left to decay over time."

"So beautiful things should explode before that happens?" Ino asked dubiously. "Well, I can't say I agree, but I guess I see your point. Flowers can look nice for only so long, after all."

He gave her a meditative frown before looking back down at the blue blob in his hands.

"Come on," Ino sighed, rolling her eyes. "I'm not gonna judge you for using Play-Doh. And I know you're higher than a kite right now, so I'll take that into consideration, too. Just think of it as a way to pass the time."

Deidara hesitated, looking somewhat pained at the prospect, but eventually started moulding.

Despite having been in his presence for no longer than ninety minutes overall, Ino could tell he was obsessively proud of his craft and that any criticism or jab at his ego was enough to send him into conniptions. So in an effort to make him feel better (if only to spare herself an impending tantrum), Ino grabbed a handful of Play-Doh and attempted to make something of her own.

After a while, he lifted his head and raised his sculpture for her to see.

"Here," he said grumpily.

Ino looked up, then leaned forward for a closer look.

He held an abstract rendition of a heron with spread wings. The entire piece was devoid of textural elements and instead showcased precision, smoothness, and streamlined edges, an impressive feat considering he was practically drunk and hadn't used any tools.

In the midst of her admiration, she realized he was watching her to gauge her reaction, and in the effort to display the same objective criticism he'd shown her, she cleared her throat and straightened.

"I have to say I'm impressed. You're pretty skilled." As a testament to that, she raised her sorry attempt at sculpting a dog and made a face. "I'll stick to ikebana."

Deidara took one look at her sculpture and his face became oddly tense. She immediately realized it was in the effort to control the pleased grin that was twitching at the corners of his lips.

"It's not as easy as it looks," he said with an air of superiority, taking a moment to admire his own work. "Not everyone can do it, un."

Ino squished her demented-looking dog into a ball again, amused at how quickly his mood had changed.

"Oh yeah? I'd like to see you try ikebana."

"Flowers are not my style, un."

"Hmph. Of course you'd say that."

He snickered at her petulant tone, then abruptly stiffened at the same instant Ino's smile froze on her face. Confounded by the sudden and unexpected moment of mutual non-hatred and what felt like the initial inklings of kinship, their heads snapped up to look at each other, followed immediately by glares as they scoffed and turned away.

Deidara swept the remaining jars of Play-Doh into his lap and sat with his back facing her, resolute in the decision to not look at her for the time remaining.

At the same moment, Ino shifted so she was sitting sideways and facing the wall, jaw set and eyes steely as she mashed the Play-Doh into her fist.

A few minutes passed in silence. Despite herself, Ino turned her head slightly to see what he was doing at the exact moment he glanced over his shoulder. At the simultaneous meeting of gazes, they both reeled back and glared.

"What?" they snapped together.

"You were looking at me first!" he accused, leaving Ino gaping in outrage.

"And why would I want to do that? I have nothing to say to you!"

"You're saying something to me now!"

"Only because I have no choice! Mind your own business!"

"Who's in whose cell here, damn it?"

"And who was kind enough to bring your sorry ass something to keep you entertained, huh? And you didn't even thank me!"

"I didn't ask you to bring anything!"

"Exactly, you moron! It's the thought that counts!"

"What the hell makes you think I need your charity? I don't need anything from you, un!"

"It's not a form of charity! If you weren't so freakin' egocentric, you might understand that!"

Outside the cell, the security guards patrolling the corridors stopped what they were doing and glanced perplexedly in the direction of Cell X as furious shouting spilled into the hall.

By the time they reached the cell, Ino was standing on her side of the room and clutching one of the vases in her hand.

"You are such an asshole!" she shrieked, flinging the vase and letting it shatter violently over the glass. "I hope you die in there!"

Deidara was far too heavily sedated to come up with a reply in time. The door slid open and Ino stormed out, shoving the startled security guards out of the way.

Incensed, Deidara gritted his teeth and spun away from the glass, immediately regretting the move when he lost his balance and toppled to the floor. More humiliated now than anything else, he propped himself up on one arm, lifting his head and coming face to face with the glass wall and where she'd left the other vase behind.

He didn't know whether to be angry or subdued when he saw that she'd left his more preferred choice intact.

* * *

"Shizune, did you get those articles out of the archives?"

"Yes, Tsunade-sama. I left them on top of your paperwork."

"Ah," Tsunade muttered, upper lip curling at the sight of the thick envelope. "Of course."

With a resigned sigh, she grabbed the envelope and withdrew its contents, readying herself for at least a few hours of reading. She was only on the third page when Shizune emerged from the storage room, dusting off her hands.

"I really hope you find a loophole in that ridiculous law," she said, thinking sympathetically of the Yamanakas. "That poor girl, Ino. She volunteered to be the one doing the visiting hours, right?"

"Yes," Tsunade said distractedly, flipping a page and lifting her tea cup to her lips. "She's regretting it now, I bet."

"I wouldn't blame her, but at least it can't get any worse than—"

"_Pfft_!"

"Tsunade-sama!" Shizune cried in alarm, rushing over to the hokage as she sprayed her tea halfway across the room. "Are you all right?"

Tsunade waved her away, gasping for breath and managing to clear her throat before she lowered her wide eyes to the page and read it again. Shizune looked alarmed when Tsunade's fingers curled into trembling fists.

"Is something wrong?" Shizune said apprehensively as the Godaime rose to her feet.

"Get the council members rounded up," Tsunade suddenly ordered, voice hushed. "We need to amend this law. Now."

"Tsunade-sama, I don't think that's possible on such short notice. I know the law is outdated, but..." Shizune trailed off, cringing as Tsunade turned towards her with a dangerous glare.

"_Now_," she said through gritted teeth. "This can't wait."

"O-Okay," Shizune stammered, backing away towards the door. "What should I tell them?"

Tsunade closed her eyes and slumped back into her chair, blindingly groping through her drawer for her sake. Once she'd found it and had taken a long, deep drink, she lifted her head.

"Tell them it concerns the right of familial visitation for incarcerated missing-nin..."

She swallowed hard.

"...specifically the subsection that allows the captive to pay supervised visits to his family's house."


	3. Family Coming to Visit

Visitation Rights

By: firefly

Note: Konoha's political system is messed up (they only have two council members, LOL), so I've taken advantage of my artistic license for this chapter. I don't think there's anything else; enjoy, and reviews are love!

Visitation Rights ch.3

"I spy with my little eye...something that is..._yellow_!"

"My hair," Deidara said flatly without turning around, keeping his attention on the trees surrounding their path. "Now shut up, un."

"You got it right!" Tobi cried, running up to walk beside him. "You're really good at this game, senpai. Okay, let's do one more. I spy with my little eye, something that is...red!"

"The clouds on my cloak," Deidara answered monotonously. "Tobi, the reason I'm so good at this game is because every time you play it, you only look at me. So shut up. This is getting redundant."

"That's only because you're the most captivating thing in sight," Tobi replied with a teasing giggle. "My senpai, the apple of my—ow!"

Deidara lowered his fist, looking satisfied, then stopped once they'd entered a clearing. He glanced around cautiously to ensure the spot was empty before finding a thick patch of grass and wearily sitting down.

"We're close to Konoha, so you better keep an eye out," Deidara advised as Tobi darted around the clearing, chasing a frog. "I need to rest, so keep watch. And if you put your guard down for even one minute, I swear I'll kill you, un."

"No problem, senpai!" Tobi said, turning around to salute him. "I'm not tired at all, so I'll watch over you and keep you safe."

Deidara grimaced at his choice of words but said nothing, too tired to care. "Just wake me up if you see or hear anything."

With that, he turned his back to his partner and reclined against the grass, eyelids drooping almost immediately as his head came to rest in the crook of his arm. He'd hardly closed his eyes before he fell into a deep sleep.

Tobi screeched to a halt in his pursuit of the frog as it began hopping away towards the woods. Conflicted, he glanced between the escaping amphibian and his slumbering partner.

His senpai had said to remain vigilant, but he'd never told him to stay in the clearing. Besides, no one would be able to identify Deidara as a missing-nin if they couldn't see his Akatsuki cloak, right? Tobi suddenly gasped and lifted a finger in the air as a brilliant idea came to mind. With the utmost of care, he crept over to where Deidara was sleeping and removed his own cloak. It was a testament to how tired the Rock nin was when Tobi turned the cloak inside out, so only the black fabric was showing, and draped it over Deidara like a blanket without waking him.

The masked nin quickly gave his partner a once-over to make sure he'd covered him completely. Then, satisfied, he turned away and took off after the frog. The little creature was surprisingly evasive and led him through a twisted labyrinth of trees and shrubbery, eventually getting away when it leapt into a pond.

Tobi skidded to a halt at the pond's edge, about to consider fishing it out, when the foliage to his right suddenly rustled and something small and sharp whistled by his mask with alarming speed. Almost immediately, a middle-aged man in a camouflage jacket and pants stood up out of the bushes, holding a long metal tube of some kind and looking abashed.

"Oh my goodness, I'm sorry. I thought you were a bear."

"No harm done," Tobi said cheerfully. "Sorry I was in your way. I was looking for a frog." He paused, then glanced over at where the dart had embedded into a tree trunk. "How come you're looking for bears?"

"Oh, I own a zoo over in Konoha," the man explained, moving out of the bushes. "I've been trying to catch a black bear for months."

"Oh, I love zoos!" Tobi gushed, clasping his hands under his chin. "And I really like bears! Can I help you look for one? My senpai is sleeping right now, so I need to do something to pass the time."

"Certainly," he said, taken aback by the enthusiastic response. "My name is Seto, by the way. Nice to meet you."

"Tobi, at your service!"

"Well, Tobi-san, we're going to have to move very quietly, because these bears have very sharp hearing. You can cover my back, if you want."

Tobi nodded and quickly moved behind the old man, head darting right to left to check for any movement. It was exciting for the first ten minutes, but by then he'd expected a bear to show up and started getting bored. Eventually, he simply trudged behind the old man, kicking rocks out of the way and scoping the ground for more frogs.

He didn't even notice when, fifteen minutes later, Seto had come to an abrupt halt until he ran into him.

"Ouch! Seto-san, what—"

"Shh." The old man raised a finger to his lips, looked incredibly excited. "I think I see one."

Tobi's eyes widened and he strained to see through the myriad of foliage, catching a glimpse of something large and black in the distance. Then Seto urged him to kneel behind the bushes and keep out of sight, so Tobi did as he was told and watched, terribly excited as Seto raised his tranquilizer gun over his shoulder and took aim.

There was a long pause. Then he pulled the trigger.

Half a second later, a cry of pain broke the silence.

Tobi and Seto exchanged glances and leapt to their feet, rushing forward until they emerged into the clearing.

"Ow! What the hell?" Deidara yelped, rudely jarred awake by a sudden sharp pain in his backside. He jumped to his feet, perplexed when he noticed he had another cloak draped over him, then glanced up to see Tobi standing twenty feet away next to a stunned man holding a tranquilizer gun.

Deidara stared at them, momentarily too shocked to react, until his eyes darted to what the old man was holding. Breath suddenly growing shallow, he reached back to feel the area where he'd felt the sharp prick, then felt a wave of cold dread wash over him when his fingers encountered a dart.

He yanked it out and dropped it to the ground. Then he immediately plunged his hands into the satchels around his waist, looking murderous.

"Tobi, you were supposed to keep watch!" he snarled as he quickly started towards them. "Now our cover's blown, you stupid son of a bi—_iiiiiitttttch_..."

Deidara staggered, suddenly, speech slurring and shoulders slackening as the sedative spilled into his bloodstream. At the same time, the cloak Tobi had draped over him slipped off and the old man's eyes widened in terror.

"O-Oh my God, I saw one of you people on a wanted poster," he stammered, backing away. "Tobi-san, they're very dangerous! Run!"

"Uh..." Tobi glanced between where Deidara had collapsed to his hands and knees and the old man as he fumbled for his walkie-talkie and called in reinforcements.

Despite the impending blackout, Deidara managed to make enough sense of what the old man was doing and felt his blood run cold. There was no way that idiot Tobi could get away with every ANBU in the village pursuing him, especially not with his unconscious body in tow.

He clenched his teeth and raised his head anyway, managing to speak as blackness crept in at the edges of his vision.

"Run...away...you stupid..._jackass_."

Then he collapsed, unconscious, as Tobi panicked and fled the scene, crying out in anguish: "I'll come back to save you, senpai! I promise!"

The next time Deidara had opened his eyes, it was to a faint reflection of himself in the glass wall of his cell. Not only had they confiscated everything save for his hair tie and underwear, but they'd sealed his chakra pathways and placed disabling seals over his forbidden jutsu. To add insult to injury, they'd put him in a straitjacket and took a leaf out of the old man's book by deciding to keep him in a constant state of muddled drowsiness.

The days following his incarceration had been more humiliating than anything else. He simply couldn't fathom the fact that he'd been captured in such a pathetic way. Recalling incidents in which other Akatsuki members had been imprisoned only made it worse; Kakuzu had once been captured by Grass nin, but only after being ambushed by more than thirty shinobi and killing half of them. Upon capture, the Falls nin had proceeded to escape his prison cell by using his own fillings to pick the lock.

And Deidara? He'd been shot in the ass with a tranquilizer dart meant for a freakin' bear.

_But then again, this security is way tighter than the prison Kakuzu no danna was in_, he told himself repeatedly in an effort to soothe his bruised ego. _It's not because of any personal failings that I wound up in here. I'm a victim of the circumstances. It's all that bastard Tobi's fault, un._

Reassuring himself that way comprised most of his day in the cell, save for when he was sleeping in a sedated stupor and when his little sister came along to visit.

Deidara opened his eyes, only to narrow them at the sight of the vase and flowers she'd left from her last trip. Finding out he had a family in Konoha hadn't shocked him very much, as he'd figured his father must have moved on and married someone after knocking up his mother. But to actually come in contact with a blood relative...

He lowered his gaze, reflecting on yesterday's tumultuous visit.

Ino, that was her name. He'd been put off by her appearance, disconcerted to see she probably represented what he would have looked like had he been born a female. She was also loud. And bossy. And stubborn. And she was ridiculously temperamental. Honestly, when it came to it, they were nothing alike...save for their mutual appreciation of the arts.

At that, he nearly looked at the flowers again, only to catch and berate himself. Granted, the sight of the blooms was a pleasant distraction from the monotonous white walls. But then again seeing the beautiful arrangement engendered something resembling admiration in him, admiration that could potentially lead to respect, respect that would then correlate with the unbearable little she-devil that was his sister, which was just plain unacceptable.

As he sat there in his cell, trying to avoid looking at the flowers, resisting the urge to use the Play-Doh, speculating if Tobi made it out alive, contemplating his escape, convincing himself none of this was his fault, and criticizing Ino, he honestly began to wonder why she hadn't shown up for their daily appointment.

* * *

Tsunade did a head count, revolving around the room until she'd taken every council member into consideration. Shizune took a few steps backwards, quailing under the look of suppressed fury that crossed over Tsunade's face when she fell one short.

"Where is Danzou?" she demanded.

"I'm afraid he hasn't returned from his trip," one of the council members replied.

"What trip? Where did he go?" Tsunade asked incredulously, turning towards Shizune to ask in a hushed voice, "is he even allowed to do that?"

"For a leave of absence, yes," Shizune muttered. "I think he went for health reasons."

"Doesn't he need permission?"

"Yes, Tsunade-sama. You, um...gave him permission. On one of your more inebriated days."

The colour drained from Tsunade's face. Mouthing wordlessly, she took a moment to take a deep breath and compose herself. Then she turned to face the council.

"There is a law that's come to my attention," she began icily. "It concerns the right of incarcerated missing-nin to pay supervised visits to their families. Perhaps in the village's early days, this would have been plausible. But this case concerns an S-class missing-nin from Iwagakure who also happens to be a member of the criminal organization, Akatsuki. He is a blood relative of the Yamanaka family, and so the same right has been extended to him. I think it's obvious why I've called you all here."

"We understand your concern," Koharu Utatane said, folding her hands in her lap. "However, we cannot amend a law until every council member is present. The matter will have to wait until Danzou returns."

"Think of what you're saying," Tsunade said angrily. "It's not only a perfect excuse to let the prisoner escape, but we'd be endangering the Yamanakas. And not only that, we'd be wasting precious resources sending ANBU to act as security guards for one missing-nin. This needs to be rectified _now_."

"It's just not possible," Homura Mitokada said, looking unaffected by the outburst. "If we change this one seemingly insignificant law without Danzou, that will only give some of us license to do the same with a more important law in the future, and with even fewer council members then. It would lead to chaos."

A murmur of assent broke out in the room as Tsunade stood there, staring blankly at them.

"I'm the goddamn _hokage_!" she suddenly shouted, shocking them into silence. "I'm the leader of this village! Doesn't that mean something?"

No one spoke. Then at last, Utatane calmly leaned forward in her seat to peer imperiously down at her.

"Not without us, it doesn't."

* * *

_The next day._

"Tsunade-sama," Inoichi said concernedly. "Are you all right?"

Ino stood next to her father, vaguely alarmed by the harrowed look on the hokage's face as she stared at them from behind her desk. There was a long and awkward moment of silence, and then Tsunade spoke, sounding hoarse.

"I've summoned you because I have some bad news."

"What is it?" Inoichi said apprehensively. "Is it about my s—about the prisoner?"

Tsunade withdrew a folded piece of paper and slid it across the desk. Ino hesitantly took it and handed it to her father, growing increasingly worried as the woman downed a bottle of sake in one go.

A pitiful whimper suddenly broke the silence and Ino briefly glanced around for the source of the noise until she realized her father had made it.

"Oh, no," he whispered, staring dismally at the piece of paper in his hands. "Oh, no, no, no...Sumi, Sumi is going to kill me."

Realizing she wouldn't be able to get an adequate answer out of either of them, Ino snatched the paper from her father's hands and read it over herself.

"It's been two weeks," Tsunade said bluntly as Ino slowly lowered the paper, face devoid of colour. "Two weeks since he was captured and four days since you began seeing him. At this point in the program, the prisoner is sent home periodically for visits. The experience is supposed to serve as a deterrent for continuing with his criminal ways. A rather sentimental approach, don't you think?"

"That maniac..." Ino said in a listless voice. "...in my house?"

"Saddled left and right with ANBU, of course," Tsunade said bitterly, looking as though she was thinking back to something unpleasant. "One of the council members is absent from the village, and until he returns, I can't do anything to change that."

"Oh God," Inoichi moaned, burying his face in his hands. "Ino, your mother. How is she going to react?"

"If it makes you feel any better, Yamanaka, call her here and I'll tell her myself," Tsunade said wearily. "I know this can't be good for your marriage. And Ino...Ino?"

Inoichi turned towards his daughter and paled.

The paper was crushed in her fist and her skin had acquired an unnatural, purplish tinge. With her lips drawn back in a snarl and a massive vein standing out in her forehead, she looked as though she was about to have an apoplectic fit.

"Excuse me," she said suddenly, and in a voice that sounded positively demonic. "I have to prepare for dinner."

And with that, she spun on her heel and left the office.

Inoichi stood there, staring speechlessly after her as Tsunade leaned back in her chair and smirked.

"Well, perhaps I jumped to conclusions. Maybe this'll be good for the poor bastard."

* * *

Fortunately for Inoichi, Sumi had already prepared dinner before Tsunade broke the news, and though her reaction had pretty much mirrored Ino's, she suppressed her fury once she'd heard her stepson would be visiting for dinner.

Few women like Sumi still existed in Konoha. She was a passionate advocate of good etiquette, an expert on ladylike behaviour, exemplary of the perfect housewife, and a ruthless perfectionist. Despite her aversion to the situation at hand, she composed herself and prepared the table for four, appearing almost normal had it not been for her emotionless expression and almost robotic movements.

Ino's own rage had deflated for the most part once she saw the state her mother was in. Besides, if there was any more negative energy in the house, she was certain her father would have a nervous breakdown.

So to put Inoichi at ease and keep her mother calm, Ino dutifully helped with the chores and wisely kept her mouth shut until the moment of truth arrived.

At 7:30 PM, the doorbell rang and Inoichi almost pulled the door off its hinges in nervous anticipation, coming face to face with a masked ANBU member.

"What room do you want him in?"

"Er...the dining room. I think."

The masked man nodded. "Clear the room and move your wife and daughter elsewhere while we get him ready."

"Ready?" Inoichi echoed blankly. "Oh, well, all right. Give me a minute."

He retreated back into the house and did as he was told, standing by and watching apprehensively as Deidara was led in wearing his white prison jumpsuit, straitjacket, and a bag over his head. There were ridiculous numbers of straps and buckles on the sleeves and pant legs of the jumpsuit, and for good reason, as the ANBU sat him down at one end of the table, strapped him to the backrest, then strapped his legs together and to the chair.

Once he was completely secure, they pulled the bag off his head, revealing a tousled, irate Deidara who glared poison at anyone who dared make eye contact with him.

"Hello, father," he said acidly when Inoichi sat down at the other end of the table. "Nice place you have here."

"...thank you," Inoichi said eventually, not knowing what else to say.

A minute later, Ino and Sumi emerged from the kitchen and stepped into the dining room, refusing to look in Deidara's direction as they sat down. At the same time, four ANBU members moved to stand in every corner of the room and kept watch.

It had to be the tensest and most awkward dinner Ino had ever had. Her father sat at one end of the table, smiling weakly and periodically throwing nervous glances at his wife. Deidara sat across from him at the other end, glaring balefully. Ino and her mother sat on either side of them, with Ino picking listlessly at her food and her mother sitting stiffly, refusing to touch her plate.

Ten unbearable minutes passed in that fashion, until Inoichi turned to where the ANBU members were standing and whispered, "Guys, I appreciate what you're doing, but this isn't going to get anywhere until we lighten the mood. So you mind coming back in an hour or two?"

"It's for your own protection, Yamanaka. If he gets loose and pulls an Uchiha Itachi on your butts, we'll be held liable."

"He's sedated, sealed, and trussed up like a turkey. He's not going anywhere. And I'm a jounin. I can take care of my family."

"You'll need to sign a waiver, then."

"Fine," Inoichi said hurriedly, accepting a pen from the masked man and scribbling his signature on a scroll. "Now go. And come back later at ten to pick him up."

He nodded, then gestured to the other three ANBU. With a burst of smoke, they vanished from the room.

If Inoichi thought the ANBU's absence would lighten the mood, he was mistaken. With only his family and Deidara at the table, the malcontent in the atmosphere became overwhelming.

After a while, Inoichi took a sip of water simply for the sake of doing so, the resulting tinkle of glass sounding like a gunshot in the silence.

He cleared his throat, voice wavering as he tried to smile at Ino. "Um, sweetie, did you finish checking inventory at the shop?"

"Yeah. We're running short on begonias," she replied uncomfortably.

"Oh, well..." Inoichi trailed off, eyes darting again towards his motionless wife to see if there had been any change in her demeanour. "I'll order some more tomorrow. Ah...Sumi, honey?"

"What?" she said coldly.

Inoichi flinched. "You haven't touched your plate. Your delicious curry will go to waste."

"I'm sorry," she continued in that frigid tone. "My appetite tends to leave me when I have psychotic criminals at the table."

"Dear," Inoichi said falteringly, with a nervous glance at Deidara. "I don't think..."

"No, father," Deidara suddenly interrupted, his first words since they'd sat down. He turned his head towards Sumi, a malicious grin curving his lips. "I'd love to hear what _mother_ has to say."

Ino stared in alarm as her mother's face turned a frightening shade of purple.

"Don't you dare," she said in a venomous whisper, rising to her feet. "Don't you dare ever call me that again, you smarmy little bastard."

"Mom!" Ino gasped, shocked that her etiquette-minded mother was capable of such profanity.

"Hear me out," Deidara said with mock earnestness, the sadistic gleam in his eyes brightening. "I'm starting to reform. I want to be a part of your happy little family, even if you're not technically my mother and my real one was just some floozy father knocked up. But that doesn't matter now, does it?"

Before anyone could react, Ino's mother had seized the heavy iron skillet on the table, raised it over her shoulder with an enraged shriek, and swung it at Deidara's head.

"Mom!" Ino cried, jumping to her feet as Deidara ducked the blow, getting splattered with curry as the skillet smashed through the chair's back rest.

"Honey, stop!" Inoichi yelled, horrified as the infuriated woman lifted the pan over her head for another go. This time, even Deidara had the beginnings of trepidation trickle into his features when he realized he wouldn't be able to dodge.

The skillet came crashing down at the same moment Ino lunged across the table and tackled Deidara to the floor. Simultaneously, Inoichi grabbed his wife from behind, doing everything in his power to evade the wildly swinging skillet as he dragged her out of the room.

When her furious screams faded away, Ino cautiously peered over the tabletop to make sure the coast was clear before lowering her gaze to the floor.

Still strapped to the chair even though it had toppled backwards and now lay with its legs in the air, Deidara wore a pained grimace as he tried blowing his curry-stained hair out of his face, arms shifting futilely in the straitjacket in the effort to get out of the humiliating position.

"You. Are the biggest ass. I've _ever_ met," Ino said with disgust, glaring down at him. "Do you have a death wish? What the hell were you thinking, saying that to her?"

"What do you care?" he snapped back. "I'll say whatever I feel like before you idiots decide to seal my mouth shut, too."

"You'd deserve it," Ino muttered, leaning back to sit on her haunches and examine her scraped elbow. "God, I can't wait until this program's over."

She expected a retort but heard only silence. After a minute of dabbing the wound with a napkin, the silence became unnatural and she lowered her gaze to see if the impact with the floor had knocked him out.

Instead, she found him staring at her, eyes hard and unblinking in the way they tended to be when he was scrutinizing something. His lips were pressed firmly together, jaw set in a way to suggest he was either suspicious, annoyed, or both.

"What?" she said irritably.

"You people must be too stupid to realize you constantly contradict yourselves," he muttered.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Why wait for the end of the program?" he retorted. "Why didn't you just let her bash my head in?"

Ino opened her mouth to reply, then closed it again, momentarily dumbfounded by the question. At her silence, a slow smirk spread over his face and his eyes narrowed.

"Typical, un. This whole village's bleeding heart attitude sickens me."

"Don't flatter yourself," she snapped. "Did it ever occur to you to think I didn't want my mom dirtying her hands by killing you, even though you deserve it?"

"It did," he smirked. "But you're way too soft for that to be the only reason. Am I growing on you?"

"You wish, asshole," Ino scoffed before rising to her feet. "For all I care, you can lie there stinking of curry until the ANBU come around to pick you up. I'm leaving."

"You would do that to your older brother? That's cruel, un."

"Give me one good reason why I shouldn't," Ino said, leaving his side to gather the dishes and drop them off in the kitchen. "If it were up to me, I'd douse you in hot sauce and throw you in a pit of fire ants."

When he didn't reply, she smirked in self-satisfaction and spent the next twenty minutes clearing the table in peace, taking her sweet time washing the dishes and humming a song the entire time just to spite him. After she'd cleaned up, she grabbed a bowl of pudding from the fridge, then sauntered her way back to the dining room.

He glared at her from the corner of his eye as she took a seat next to where he was sprawled over the floor, his scowl deepening as she tossed him a charismatic smile and ate a spoonful of pudding with exaggerated relish.

"I wonder if they ever served pudding in the Akatsuki," she thought out loud, licking the back of her spoon. "Or maybe you guys lived like savages and just ate bugs and rodents."

There was no reply. But after a long moment of silence, he finally spoke, sounding sullen. "If you were in my position, I'd help you."

Ino paused, holding the spoon in her mouth to stare down at him in disbelief. The sentiment definitely didn't match the look on his face; he didn't even attempt to look apologetic, waves of resentment practically radiating off of him.

Ino shook her head. His insincerity was astounding.

"That is, hands down, the biggest lie I've ever heard. If I was in your position, you'd leave me there to die, come back to dance on my corpse, then blow up my house. So yeah, save it, 'cuz I'm not falling for it."

She ate the rest of the pudding in silence, ignoring his stare and the overpowering odour of curry. It was rather liberating to throw empathy to the wind and have a taste of what being downright mean felt like, and she found she rather enjoyed contemplating the humiliation he was feeling and what horrible things were probably going through his head.

Once she finished eating dessert, she got up and placed the bowl in the kitchen sink, then flounced towards the stairs with the intent of forgetting all about the pathetic presence in the dining room. As she stepped onto the first stair, a chuckle broke through the silence.

Ino paused on the step, turning her head back towards the dining room.

Deidara was snickering quietly to himself, squinting up at the light fixture on the ceiling. The curry had completely congealed into his hair and skin, but he seemed not to notice it.

"I guess I was wrong about you," he murmured suddenly, a slow grin spreading across his face as he closed his eyes. "You Konoha bastards are not as stupid or friendly as you let on, un. Maybe now I'll actually acknowledge you as shinobi."

Ino snorted at the comment, flicking her hair before continuing up the stairs. She only made it to the fifth stair, pausing when the impact of his words settled in.

_Maybe now I'll actually acknowledge you as shinobi._

Her grip tightened on the banister. So, to get his acknowledgement, she had to act like a massive bitch, did she? And to earn the respect of someone as deplorable as him, she had to _be_ like him? Was she really so gullible and naive that she was letting him get to her like this?

Ino's brow contorted in anger. Then she took a deep breath and turned around to head back down the stairs.

Deidara glanced up at her when she stopped by his side, arms crossed and eyes narrowed. Before he could say anything, she knelt and began undoing the straps that held him to the chair, though she left his legs stuck together.

He said nothing, keeping his mouth shut for fear of distracting her from what she was doing. But then she grabbed the straps linking his feet together and began dragging him towards the stairs.

"Hey, where are you taking me?"

"Just shut up," she said icily, her tone leaving no room for argument. With that, she began climbing the stairs.

Deidara gritted his teeth, holding back his grunts of pain as the back of his head knocked against every stair on the way up. Once they were in the hallway, she proceeded to haul him towards the bathroom, ignoring the way he banged his head against the wall and cursed.

"This'd be so much easier if you weren't wrapped up like a mummy," Ino said as she dragged him into the bathroom. "But then again, it's probably better if you couldn't move at all."

"What the hell are you doing?" he demanded, working his way into a sitting position as Ino reached into the tub and turned on the faucets. She ignored him and shoved a bucket under the gush of water.

As the bucket filled, she searched through the drawers beneath the sink until she found a coarse sponge, a facial towel, and bottled detergent. Before he could react, she'd plunged the sponge into the bucket, smeared it with soap, and began scrubbing it all over the stained parts of the straitjacket.

Despite the impulse to jerk away and the paranoid voice in the back of his head telling him her sudden helpfulness was highly suspicious, he simply couldn't stand the smell of curry anymore and let her have her way.

He also had a feeling she was being far rougher than necessary, nearly toppling backwards from the force of her ministrations. Once the curry had been scoured from the fabric, she threw the sponge aside and wet the facial towel, grabbing him by the chin and rubbing it over his face with enough force to flay the skin off.

"Pfft!" Deidara spat out the part of the towel that slipped into his mouth, whipping his head from side to side to stop her tearing his face off. "Damn it, that's enough! Stop it!"

"Hold still!" Ino snapped as she scrubbed the hardened liquid out of his eyebrows. "Jeez, S-class missing-nin, my butt."

Once his face was clean, she threw the towel alongside the sponge and turned off the faucets.

He didn't realize what she intended to do next until she'd reached for his head and pulled out his hair tie, then grabbed him by the back of the strait jacket and pushed him over the edge of the tub.

The impact knocked the wind out of him and Ino did not grant him the opportunity to get comfortable before she poured half the bucket of ice-cold water over his head. He let out a huge gasp that was immediately followed by a choked yelp, barely recovering from the shock of the frigid temperature before she smacked her shampoo-smeared hands into his hair and began lathering.

"When's the last time you combed this mess?" she said distastefully, yanking her fingers through the knots.

"_Ow_—not so hard!" he yelled, pulling his head away. "You'll rip it out!"

Ino rolled her eyes. "Tch. Baby."

To his immense relief, she relented just enough so it didn't feel as though she was about to tear his scalp off. After a while, his pained grunts finally faded into silence save for the occasional hiss of annoyance when she rubbed too hard. Besides that, there was only the gentle sloshing of water and softly fizzing soap suds. He couldn't exactly call the last few minutes relaxing, especially since he was still in an uncomfortable position and a vein was starting to stand out in his forehead from the amount of blood rushing to his head.

But still, he eventually allowed his pained grimace to fade into a look of strained tolerance, at some point muttering that if she was going to wash his hair, she might as well do it properly and pay more attention to the nape of his neck. Once she'd lathered a thick layer of foam over his entire head, she rinsed the shampoo off with another wave of freezing water, ignoring his spluttering as soaked hair slopped over his face.

She grabbed the dripping mass and twisted it into a rope, squeezing out the excess water before tossing a towel over his head. Then she yanked him out of the tub and back into a sitting position, whipping the towel into a turban with swift, curt movements and proceeding to drag him out by the straps on the straitjacket.

For a moment, he thought she planned on booting him back down the stairs when they emerged back outside, but she continued on towards the door at the very end of the hall.

"Where are you taking me?" he demanded, trying to look over his shoulder as she pushed the door open.

"Are you worried?" she asked with mock concern, dragging him into the room. "Well, dear brother, rest assured, because what you said downstairs really got to me."

Deidara stiffened at the endearment, recognizing her overly sweet tone as an ominous sign. Before he could ask what she meant, she let go of the straps and his back connected with a hard surface.

When her footsteps receded to the other side of the room, he raised his head and blanched when he realized where he was.

Framed pictures of Ino, her family, her team, and ikebana decorated the lavender walls. A vanity table stood to his right, littered with perfume bottles, tubes of lip gloss, and a whole other assortment of feminine products he couldn't bother himself to identify.

Straight ahead stood her closet, crammed to bursting with outfits and shoes, and next to that stood a full-length mirror reflecting his position against what he assumed was the side of her bed.

"You know," she said suddenly, circling back to his side with a bag in her hands. "I really can't stand the idea of you thinking of me as a mean person, because I'm really not like that. And honestly? I'm starting to think I might as well make the best of this rehab program and enjoy it. We should spend the remaining time we have together making beautiful memories, since I'll need something to reflect on once they kill you."

Deidara reared his head back, tensing when she dropped to her knees in front of him and gave him one of the most unsettling smiles he'd ever seen.

"So you and I," she said softly, reaching out and tweaking his nose. "Have a lot of catching up to do."

He sneered and jerked his head away from her hand. "If you think you're going to get to me through mind games, you're beyond naive, un."

"Mind games?" she repeated, raising an eyebrow and poking him in the chest. "Who do you think you're talking to? If _I_ wanted to play mind games, you'd be lying in the corner right now sucking your thumb and thinking you were a two-year-old girl. Me, I just plan on doing exactly what the program wants me to do. I'm going to try really, _really_ hard to form those familial bonds we're so desperately lacking."

Realization dawned on Deidara and he watched, inwardly horrified as she unzipped the bag she'd brought with her and emptied its contents onto the carpet.

"I always did want a sister," she admitted, lifting an eyelash curler out of the pile and eyeing it contemplatively. "But an older brother will do."

When she glanced at him, he looked absolutely livid. "Don't you dare bring that thing anywhere near me."

Ino laughed. "Of course not! Why would I use an eyelash curler on you? You're a guy." She dropped the contraption back into the pile and lifted out a hairdryer, a wide-tooth comb, hair clips, a bottle of detangler, and leave-in conditioner.

"What you need is some serious help with that mop you call hair," she said grimly.

He narrowed his eyes, a defensive note creeping into his voice. "I don't need help." Then he added, grudgingly, "They don't exactly hand out combs in interrogation cells, un."

"All the more reason for me to help you out," she said curtly, twirling the comb between her fingers. "By the way, I can't help but wonder...do they let you shower in there?"

"Don't ask me stupid questions."

"No, seriously, do they?" Ino paused, then leaned in to take a sniff and wrinkled her nose. "Ugh, you smell like a pharmacy. What do they do, hose you down with disinfectant?"

There was an awkward moment of silence.

"...yes," he muttered eventually.

"Oh," Ino said blankly. "No wonder."

She reached forward and patted the top of his towel turban. "I think it's been long enough. Put your head down."

He stared at her warily before doing so, allowing her to pull the damp towel off and ruffle his hair loose.

"It's like a bird's nest," she said disapprovingly. "At this rate, I'll probably have to use up the whole bottle of detangler. You better appreciate this."

Deidara lifted his head, about to retort when a sudden gust of cold air hit him in the face.

"Keep your head down!" Ino scolded over the noise of the hairdryer. "This is gonna take a while."

With great reluctance, he did as he was told and spent the next thirty minutes enduring the cold air blowing through his damp hair (hot air caused frizz, she insisted), her spraying the entire bottle of detangler over his head, applying leave-in conditioner from roots to tips, the unbearable agony that was her combing through the mass of tangles, her clipping up sections of hair and blow-drying each one dry, then insisting on rubbing lustre serum over the finished product to give it optimum sheen.

"Look at that!" she crowed once she'd finished, grabbing a lock and thrusting it under his nose. "I dare you to tell me you don't love it."

Deidara blinked blearily down at the golden, gleaming, frizz-less strands, hardly recognizing it as his own hair. It smelled incredibly nice, too.

"Is that a wig?" he asked sceptically.

"Of course not!" Ino said, scandalized. "And could you be a little more ungrateful?"

Though he could have reminded her that the entire thing had been her idea, he said nothing, inwardly satisfied with the result.

Ino stared at him contemplatively and tapped her chin.

"Now how to put it up..."

Deidara gave her a warning look. "Put it back the way it was, un."

Ino made a face. "Are you nuts? You put your ponytail way too high. It made you look like a friggin' genie."

He stared at her, momentarily dumbstruck by her audacity. _G-Genie...?_

"Not to mention, you're totally ripping off my style," she added.

He managed to recover from his shock long enough to reply, indignantly, "I've had it like that for years. You're the one copying me."

"You wish, Barbie," she said, suddenly getting to her feet and circling back to her dresser. He glanced over his shoulder to see what she was doing this time, growing increasingly agitated as the sheer ridiculousness of the situation sank in.

He was in a teenage girl's room, in Konoha, in a straitjacket, getting his hair styled. The absurdity of it all was enough to make him wonder if he'd overdosed on sedatives and was hallucinating the entire thing. When Ino returned, she was holding an assortment of bandanas and set them out on the carpet in front of him.

"Take your pick," she ordered.

"No."

"Fine," she said airily, shrugging. "I'll just pick one for you."

He clenched his teeth when she automatically reached for the pink one covered in paisley. The others weren't much better, but there was a dark red one that didn't look too effeminate and was devoid of paisley. He freakin' hated paisley.

"Fine," he bit out, giving her a dirty look. "The red one."

"Good choice," she chimed. "The others would just make you look like a gay pirate."

He watched suspiciously as she picked it up along with a few clips and a styling brush, then shuffled forward on her knees from the side so she could reach his head.

"You do anything retarded, and I'll make sure you live to regret it," he said lowly as she placed the items on the bed behind his head and reached for his hair.

"Oh ye of little faith," she said in a carefree way eerily reminiscent of Tobi. "Just wait and see. When I'm done, maybe your hair will look as pretty as mine. Oh, and..." she got up and went over to the mirror, turning it so it faced the wall. "This is going to be a surprise."

Ignoring his exasperated look, she returned to his side and proceeded to style his hair, humming a song the entire time. When he told her to shut up, she merely responded with, "my room, my rules" and continued what she was doing.

He was disconcerted with her sudden change in behaviour, recalling how easily she'd lost her temper with him back in the cell. He had a feeling she was planning something, most likely something nefarious, and he was perceptive enough to know she was not one to be underestimated.

After all, she shared some of his DNA.

"And now for the finishing touch," she sang. He watched warily as she folded the bandana into a headband and tied it around his head in a fashion reminiscent of how he'd worn his forehead protector. He found he'd actually missed its presence since they'd confiscated it, and the bandana seemed an adequate substitute. For now.

Once the bandana was in place, she pulled back and scrutinized him. Then she grabbed a can of hair spray and told him to close his eyes before she sprayed a fine mist over his entire head. When he cracked an eye open, grimacing at the floral smell, she held up the hairspray as though it were a holy relic.

"Big Sexy Hair," she said solemnly. "Spray and Stay. This stuff is liquid gold."

Then she placed it aside and stood up, backing away a few steps to take in his new look. Despite his disgruntled expression, she seemed to like what she saw.

"I am awesome," she said in a matter-of-fact way. "You've gone from transvestite genie to chic, urban metrosexual. Seriously, even the straitjacket doesn't take away from this look."

With that, she grabbed her full-length mirror and turned it so he could see himself.

Deidara glanced at his reflection and didn't scream in horror. That was a good sign.

His ponytail now rested slightly below the crown of his head, much fuller since she hadn't left any of his hair down in the back. The hair on top of his head had been arranged in a way to suggest effortless volume and a few thick locks of hair framed his face on either side of the bandana. The red cloth stood out vividly on his forehead against the backdrop of blonde and disappeared behind his hair past the temple. He was surprised to see both of his eyes clearly visible.

"Well?" she said impatiently.

"It's..." he said thickly, unsure how to express approval. "Not bad."

"Not bad?" she echoed, raising an eyebrow. "It's awesome." Her tone turned sardonic. "No need to thank me, either. I only just salvaged that rat's nest you called hair."

Then she blinked and suddenly moved towards him. "Oh, I almost forgot to spray the back."

As she knelt back near his side and took hold of his ponytail, her door suddenly swung open and her parents stumbled in, looking panicked.

"Ino, are you all right? We came back and you two were—" Inoichi stopped abruptly, flabbergasted by the sight of Ino crouching next to a highly unamused Deidara, holding a can of Big Sexy Hair and looking mildly surprised by their intrusion.

"Ino!" Sumi shrieked, clutching the door frame for support. "What do you think you're doing?"

"Mother, please," Ino sighed, giving them a supplicating look. "He's only got a couple weeks to live. I might as well let him die looking good."

"Ino," her father stammered, confounded by her behaviour. "The ANBU will be here any second. What is he doing up here?"

"I can speak for myself, you know," Deidara reminded him irritably.

There was a moment of silence before Ino spoke, soberly. "I've decided that I'm going to actually give this program a shot. Try to make him better. Because he needs the light and happiness of family in his life after living craptastically for nineteen years as a bastard."

With her parents merely gaping at her in shock, Ino turned towards Deidara, who was staring at her with a highly disturbed look on his face.

"Like I said," she continued with an unnerving smile, eyes glinting ominously. "You and I? We have a lot of catching up to do."


	4. Brothers and Sisters

Visitation Rights

By: firefly

Notes: I can't believe it's been six months since I last updated this. Wow, sorry for the wait, guys. Rest assured though, this fic WILL meet completion because I already have the ending written out. In the mean time, enjoy this very belated chapter. Reviews are love!

Visitation Rights ch.4

Mornings were usually Yamanaka Inoichi's favourite part of the day.

None of the day's stresses were evident at that point and the kitchen was warm and comforting with the smell of breakfast preparation. New, fragrant flowers would be on the table and he, fresh from the shower and feeling clean and relaxed, would revel in the quiet pleasure of having tea and orange juice in the sun-drenched spot by the window.

The newspaper would be there waiting for him and he would gaze fondly upon his lovely daughter and beautiful wife for a few blissful, worry-free minutes before heading off to his blood-drenched, chronically hazardous job as a jounin shinobi.

This morning, however, his wife was absent from the kitchen and his head hurt from lack of sleep the night before. Discovering Ino alone in her room with his criminally insane son after he'd torn the house apart in search for them had left his nerves completely shot. And to make matters worse, his daughter had just concocted the craziest idea he'd ever heard and now sat across from him, smiling triumphantly and awaiting his reaction.

Had it been anyone else, he would have recommended they see a psychiatrist. But this was his daughter so the most he could do was regard her with a troubled look.

"I don't think that'll end well, Ino. Please reconsider."

She pouted and pushed her breakfast away. "Come on, dad, it'll be great payback for everything he's put us through. And I'll be completely safe!"

"Still," he sighed. "Ino, I'm your father. I know how you are. You're only going to get hurt in the end."

"You're underestimating me," Ino sniffed. "Just watch, I'll prove you wrong."

Inoichi merely heaved another deep sigh and began picking at his breakfast again. Surprised at his lack of persistence, Ino's smile faded and her eyes softened in sympathy.

"Mom still giving you the silent treatment?"

"How did you guess?" he mumbled.

"Cheer up, dad. I know we sort of took a step backwards with the dinner fiasco, but look at it this way—" Ino leaned forward and turned his plate one hundred and eighty degrees. "She still loves you."

Even though he'd picked at his plate, Inoichi could make out the smiley face his wife always arranged with his food, a habit she'd started from the first day of their marriage. It took all his manly bravado to stop his eyes welling up and spilling over right then and there.

"See?" Ino said gently, smiling at his expression. "Don't worry about it so much. And don't worry about me, either. Everything will be fine."

Inoichi raised his head and for the first time since this entire mess began, he smiled. "If you make it a promise, I'll hold you to that."

"I promise," Ino grinned, pushing back her chair and rising. "Anyway, I'm off to see Tsunade-sama. Don't wait up for me, I'll be back late later tonight."

"That depends on whether she gives you permission to carry out your plan, doesn't it?" he asked, amused.

Ino smirked. "That's a given. Who could say no to this face?"

* * *

_30 minutes later._

"Absolutely not," Tsunade said bluntly. "I forbid it."

Ino folded her hands beseechingly in front of her. "Please, Hokage-sama? I mean, it'd hardly be different from him visiting my house. And the ANBU will be with us the entire time, too."

"It's impossible," Tsunade continued, exasperated. "An S-class missing-nin walking the streets of the village? That would pretty much invalidate my efforts to keep this whole debacle under wraps—"

"I'll just say he's a cousin visiting from overseas," Ino cut in hopefully.

"—not to mention, I've had shinobi fight him before! If you think he won't be recognized—"

"Oh, but he won't!" Ino said with a triumphant grin. "I gave him a makeover!"

Tsunade groaned and massaged her forehead. "Ino, the only reason I haven't thrown you out is because I have a massive hangover. Think of what you're saying for one second. It just can't happen."

"Of course it can," she replied innocently. "With your permission, of course."

"Honestly, why the sudden change of heart?" Tsunade demanded. "Yesterday you hated him, and now you want to spend an _entire day _with him taking in the village. Have you lost your mind?"

Ino's smile faded slightly, eyes growing shadowed . "I can assure you, Tsunade-sama, my opinion of my dear brother hasn't changed a bit. This is not for his or my amusement."

She clenched her fingers into fists. "It's for _revenge_."

Tsunade stared at her, nonplussed. "Revenge?"

Ino smiled icily. "I'll be blunt. My brother is a massive prick. So to get back at him for ruining our lives, I'm going to act like I'm taking this entire rehabilitation program seriously—like _really_ ham it up with the bonding and all that crap. That way, he'll be begging for the lethal injection before his time's up."

Tsunade gave her a tired look. "It just can't happen. Like I said, the brat's trained himself to counter genjutsu, so all attempts at rehabilitation have failed. Hypnosis is useless without the cooperation of the patient and altering brain waves and lobotomies were proven ineffectual three decades ago. Even your father couldn't get much out of him with the mind probe and he's the best in your clan."

Ino opened her mouth to argue, but decided against it. She was perceptive enough to know that she'd exhausted whatever leeway the hangover had granted Tsunade's patience. Anymore from her and the hokage would most likely throw her out by force.

She hesitated, wondering what to say as Tsunade muttered unintelligibly under her breath and searched through her drawers for more sake. Something suddenly clicked, a brilliant idea forming in Ino's mind as Tsunade gave up and slumped back in her seat.

"You're right, Hokage-sama," Ino suddenly said, having the decency to sound abashed. "I let my emotions get ahead of me. I don't know what I was thinking."

Tsunade looked taken aback by the sudden change of heart. Her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

"Ino…"

"Really," she said earnestly, bowing and backing away towards the door. "I won't bother you about it again. Thank you for setting me straight."

Before Tsunade could reply, Ino bolted out the door and hightailed it towards the nearest liquor shop. It only took a simple transformation technique (her choice being some random, middle-aged man she saw ambling down the street) to waltz in and purchase the largest, most potent bottle of alcohol on stock. Once she had the booze, Ino had it wrapped in pretty blue foil and set in a basket. Then she quickly attached to it a sticky note that read:

_To Tsunade-sama. Thank you for all your hard work! _

Once the gift was prepared, she waltzed back into the hokage tower, climbed the stairs to Tsunade's office, set the basket outside the door, knocked three times, and ran like a bat out of hell.

* * *

_1 hour later._

"So, Tsunade-sama," Ino said innocently, clasping her hands behind her back and rocking on her heels. "Do I have your permission?"

"Indubitably," the woman slurred, sprawling over her desk. She waved the half-empty bottle of liquor, her mouth stretching into a wide, wan smile. "You have my support. I think…I think family is very important, Yamanaka. I had a family once. Very nice people."

"Yes, Tsunade-sama," Ino agreed, trying to resist cackling in triumph. "Still, I'll need your signature on this permission slip."

She slid the form across the table. It was faded and yellowish in appearance, one of the original forms drafted more than sixty years ago in regards to visitation rights. After the ANBU had returned and escorted Deidara back to his cell, Ino had taken a trip to the library the very next morning and browsed through the historical archives until she'd found what she was looking for:

Request slips to spend supervised time with the incarcerated outside of the home.

Back when the forms were drafted, granting permission for such a thing hadn't seemed so far-fetched when shinobi were in low supply and missions were scarce. But now the idea seemed ludicrous with their strict security measures and their inability to finance ANBU protection from the village budget.

Ino knew this and watched Tsunade with bated breath, fingers tightening into fists behind her back when the woman raised the sheets to read.

"Of course, of course," Tsunade mumbled after a moment, squinting down at the paper and oblivious to Ino's subtle, gleeful jig. "Er, where's my pen…"

Ino promptly handed her one from her own bag and watched as the inebriated woman scrawled her signature over the bottom of the form and sloshed a bit of liquor onto it for good measure. Then, for indisputable authenticity, she stamped it with the hokage seal three times.

"There!" Tsunade exclaimed, shoving the form toward her and leaning back in her seat. "You have my, the _hokage's_, permission. I'm important like that, you know? Those council members are nothing without me."

"Of course, Tsunade-sama," Ino said soothingly, bowing in gratitude. "Thank you very much. You're a wonderful leader."

Tsunade stared at her, jaw slack. Then her eyes filled with tears and her voice cracked. "Thank you…"

"You're welcome," Ino said hastily, backing away towards the door. "Um, perhaps you should take a nap, Tsunade-sama. You look a little flushed."

"Yes," the woman sniffled, clumsily sweeping the materials from her desk and sending them crashing to the floor. "I think I will. Goodnight."

And with that, she slumped facedown onto the tabletop and immediately began to snore.

Ino quickly left the tower again, breaking into a conniving grin as she strode towards the interrogation building. It was only 11 AM and she was rather early for her appointment, a fact that was reflected by the guards' surprise.

"You're early, Yamanaka. Want to get it over with?"

"Not quite," Ino chimed, handing them the permission slip. "I need you guys to let my brother out for some fresh air."

One of the guards laughed, thinking she was joking as the other raised the paper to read. Almost immediately, the colour drained from his face.

"T-This is—" he stammered.

"All you need to know is that it's signed by the hokage," Ino interrupted, pointing to the signature. "I'm allowed to take him out for the day, so go get him."

As if doubting her honesty, the other guard grabbed the slip and peered closely at the signature. Then he wrinkled his nose and sniffed.

"Is that…alcohol?"

"Hey, a signature is a signature," Ino said defensively, snatching the paper back from him. "Tsunade-sama signed it herself. You can ask her if you think I forged it."

"But this is unprecedented!" they protested. "We can't let an S-class missing-nin wander the village. It's too dangerous!"

Ino gave them a dubious look. "Have you _seen_ him? The guy can't even walk a straight line. Besides, it says to summon four ANBU members to keep us company, so unless you want me to go complain to the hokage that you're not doing your _jobs_—"

She emphatically jabbed each of them in the chest. "—one of you go get my brother, and one of you get us our ANBU escorts. Got it?"

They stared at her, mouthing wordlessly. Then they slowly exchanged glances of resignation.

Ten minutes later, Deidara found himself standing outside in the blinding sunlight, squinting and looking like a wraith after having gone more than two weeks without exposure to the outdoors. To Ino's amusement, his hair was still done up the way she'd styled it with the bandana, though he'd been relieved of the leg straps and stood only wearing his jumpsuit and straitjacket.

Giving him a moment to overcome his shellshock before going over to greet him, Ino glanced at the four ANBU members loitering behind her.

"Guys, do me a favour and go incognito for the day, okay?"

They shrugged and did as she'd asked, instantly vanishing though the weight of their watchful eyes could still be felt against her back.

Ino rolled her shoulders to loosen up and adopted a cheery expression before strolling over to where Deidara stood by the gate.

"Why, aren't you a sight for sore eyes!"

He stiffened visibly before turning around, eyes instantly narrowing at the sight of her.

"What's going on?" he demanded. "Why'd they let me out?"

"You know, you could be a little more grateful after all the strings I pulled for you to come outside," Ino said, crossing her arms. "I wasn't joking when I said we had a lot of catching up to do."

Deidara gave her an alarmed look when she suddenly clasped her hands under her chin, eyes shining with delight. "So today is _our_ day! We're going to take in the whole village and do the kinds of stuff siblings do. Aren't you excited?"

"What?" he said blankly.

"I'm taking you out!" she declared, getting behind him and pushing him towards the open gate. "We're going to have so much fun. This place is a metropolis compared to the backwater burg you're from, so I'm sure you'll love it."

Despite his apprehension regarding her true intentions and the fact that he honestly didn't trust being alone with her, the prospect of finally getting some sun and fresh air outweighed his concern. Though he still felt a shiver of foreboding as he recalled the night at her house and the unnerving smile she'd given him. That smile had said one thing and one thing only: I'm bringing misery and I'm bringing lots of it.

Ino waved goodbye to the apprehensive guards, ushering Deidara onto the street where he immediately stopped dead, expression dissolving into a scowl as passing pedestrians took notice and began to stare.

"You did this on purpose, un," he muttered as she flounced up beside him, smiling obliviously.

"Don't worry about them. Just think about how much fun we'll have and you'll be fine."

As he snorted in disdain and looked down the street, Ino got a good look at him. This was the first time she'd seen him standing on his own two feet outside the cell and she was surprised to discover he was rather diminutive in height, standing only two inches taller than her. She pressed her lips together to stifle the impending giggle.

Looking at him, it was difficult to associate the formidable name of Akatsuki with someone so..._puny_.

Feeling her stare, Deidara turned around and frowned. "What?"

"Nothing," she said with a grin. "Let's get going. We've got a ton of stuff to do."

With that, she started off down the street, grabbing him by the straps on the straitjacket and pulling him along. He stumbled initially but eventually caught up, throwing her an irate look.

"I'm not a dog, un. Let go of me!"

Ino ignored him and instead pulled a list from her pocket. "Let's see, let's see. First off, some boutiques! Then we'll wander the village a bit, go to a park, and end the day with a picnic. The village will be having a fireworks show tonight to celebrate its independence. Sounds like fun, doesn't it?"

"What are you trying to pull?" Deidara snapped, jerking himself out of her grip. "Don't insult my intelligence by thinking I'm going to fall for any of this."

"Fall for what?" Ino inquired innocently. "I really do want to do all this stuff with you because I think it's something we'll both enjoy. I can't understand why you wouldn't want to…unless you think they're all euphemisms for me dragging you away to a secluded bunker somewhere and sawing off your limbs with a hacksaw."

She laughed. "Because that would only be fun for one of us."

Deidara stared at her as if she was completely insane and was suddenly thankful for the ANBU members tailing them from behind.

They'd only walked ten minutes when Ino came to an abrupt stop. Deidara looked at her questioningly, against the idea of stopping at all since it gave the villagers an opportunity to gawk at him. Growing impatient, he peered over her shoulder and up at the small bridge she was staring at; it stood over the river and there was a lone figure—a teenage boy—leaning against the railings.

"What is it?" he finally demanded.

To his surprise, Ino giggled, then pressed her hands to her cheeks in a way that instantly made him feel sick. "Nothing, it's just...that's Kyo. He's this shy guy who does deliveries for our flower shop. Kinda dorky but totally adorable, and it's so obvious he likes me. Wait here a minute, I'll be right back."

With that, Ino skipped up the bridge and left Deidara standing there with a scowl on his face. Despite his aversion to being in Ino's presence in general, he couldn't help feeling as though he'd been ditched, a transgression made all the more offensive considering the complete _loser_ she'd ditched him for.

Muttering epithets to himself, Deidara leaned against the railing and waited, twitching every time Ino's high-pitched giggles floated over to him and the boy made agonizingly cheesy attempts at flirting.

After ten minutes passed, Deidara decided he didn't want to wait anymore.

"So what I'm trying to say..." Kyo said somewhat bashfully, scratching the back of his head. "Well, um…"

He turned away from her and leaned into the railing, gripping the bars to steel himself as a blush formed on his face. "I was wondering, maybe, if you wanted to go out with m—_eeeeeeeeeeeeeee_!"

Ino gasped in horror as a foot connected solidly with the boy's backside and Kyo toppled off the bridge. Gripping the railing, she leaned forward to see him fall headfirst into the river.

"Finally," she heard Deidara mutter behind her. "I thought he'd never shut up, un."

She turned furiously towards him. "What the hell was that for?"

Deidara shrugged. "I got tired of waiting. And hearing him gush over you for ten minutes was enough to make me vomit."

"You are so selfish!" she cried, stomping her foot. "And he was just about to ask me out!"

Deidara looked unimpressed. "You say that like I care."

Ino balled her fist and could have knocked his block off that very moment if she hadn't caught sight of something pink moving towards her. Instantly, her fists loosened and her stomach dropped into her feet.

"S-Sakura," she stammered. "What are you doing here?"

"I was at the pharmacy and could hear you screeching from a mile away," Sakura replied, coming to a stop next to her and looking concerned. "Did something happen, Ino?"

"No," Ino assured her, slightly calmer now. "It was nothing. I was just—" She stopped suddenly, growing pale when she took notice of Deidara's expression. She didn't have to ask to know that he'd seen Sakura somewhere before.

_Shit_, Deidara thought inwardly, fighting back a grimace. _This is the brat that helped beat Sasori no danna. _

Sakura took notice of Deidara and offered him a passing glance. But then she blinked and looked at him again, her brow furrowing slightly.

"Have we met...?"

Ino panicked at the sight of Deidara's dismay and how recognition was gradually dawning in Sakura's eyes.

"Of course you haven't met!" Ino blurted. "He just...has one of those faces, that's all! Plus he's never visited here before, so…"

"Oh," Sakura said, features relaxing. She gave Ino a sly look. "Then who is he? Your boyfriend?"

"Um, _ew_," Ino said incredulously as Deidara's expression simultaneously flattened. "Way to jump to conclusions, Sakura. He's my br—er, my cousin. Yeah. My cousin Ryuu from overseas."

Before Sakura could ask any more questions, Ino grabbed her arm and moved into a corner, speaking in hushed tones.

"He's a little crazy," she whispered. "Has this delusion he has bugs under his skin and he keeps trying to scratch them out, hence the straitjacket."

"Wow," Sakura murmured, slightly alarmed as she glanced back at the scowling Deidara. "I was wondering about that. Is he on...?"

"Medication, yeah. Heavy stuff, too. I'm taking him out for the day so he can relax a little."

"Good call," Sakura nodded, before pulling back and smiling widely at Deidara. "It was nice meeting you, Ryuu-san. Have fun with Ino."

Deidara didn't reply and merely narrowed his eyes at her, wondering what Ino could have said to possibly account for that sickeningly sympathetic smile the pink-haired girl gave him before she walked away.

When Ino was certain they were alone, she whirled to face him, looking at him in amazement.

"You've met Sakura?"

"Not formally," he retorted. "Let's just say I got really close to blowing her team to kingdom come. Shame I didn't get the chance, un."

For a moment, it seemed as though something resembling loathing and disgust welled up behind her eyes, but then she blinked and smirked, tossing her hair at him in passing.

"Pfft. And you call yourself an S-rank criminal?"

Deidara glared after her, wishing more than ever he had his clay with him, but he was forced to keep quiet and follow when one of the invisible ANBU members nudged him none-too-gently in the back. They'd tolerated his kicking that dork over the bridge (probably because they wanted to do the same), but he doubted they'd grant him leeway if he aimed any of his malcontent towards his sister.

So he reluctantly followed her, and much to his bewilderment and growing suspicion, Ino seemed to get over the incident on the bridge rather quickly, returning to her buoyant demeanour as she stopped before a frilly-looking boutique.

"Our first stop! Tell me if you like anything—I might even buy it for you if you're on your best behaviour."

"I'm staying outside," he said flatly.

She didn't even bother arguing with him and grabbed him by his ponytail, ignoring his curses as she dragged him into the shop.

Once they were inside, Deidara quickly found himself overwhelmed by the effluvium of perfume and lace and girlishness, realizing he wasn't alone in his distress as one of the ANBU members coughed uncomfortably from somewhere behind him.

Disoriented by the blinding pink walls, he stumbled onto a couch in front of the changing rooms and sat down, resolving to keep his eyes closed until their next destination.

After all, how long could a teenage girl spend in one clothing store?

_

* * *

_

An hour later, Deidara found that he was actually close to crying, he was that bored.

Jarring himself awake for the umpteenth time, he forced himself to straighten from his sliding position and tried not to doze off again. For some reason, it seemed to take Ino twice as long to dress herself as any other normal person, and he had the suspicion she was spending the majority of the time in there admiring herself in the mirror.

After what felt like forever, the changing room door swung open and Ino flounced out in her third outfit, doing a little twirl to show it off.

"How's this one?" she asked, beaming. "It's cute, isn't it? I think ivory's a good colour for me."

Deidara didn't even bother lifting his head from where it was lolling lifelessly over the back of his seat.

"I don't _care_," he groaned, closing his eyes to the blinding lights overhead. "I want to leave. Now."

Ino pouted. "Hmph, typical. But this is the last one. Just give me your opinion and then we can go."

Fighting back another exasperated groan, he lifted his head off the back of the seat and squinted at her.

She was wearing a cream-coloured, cotton babydoll dress over black tights, looking deceptively innocent as she held the hem of the dress and turned this way and that in front of the mirror.

When she noticed him paying attention, she turned around and put her hands on her hips.

"What do you think? Best of the three?"

"Yes," he said quickly. "Buy it so we can get the hell out."

Ino frowned. "You're just saying that! Quit being so selfish and give me your honest opinion."

"Why is my opinion so important?" he said irritably. "You're the one wearing the damn thing."

"You don't get women," she huffed, turning towards the mirror again. "This would be so much more fun if you were a girl."

Deidara began to feel the initial throbbing of a migraine taking root in the left part of his brain. Realizing he wouldn't be getting anywhere until he'd indulged her ridiculous demands, he forced himself to speak through gritted teeth.

"Fine. I hate this one the least. The first one made your butt look big and the second one clashed with your hair. Happy?"

Ino looked outraged at the first remark, but then she grew contemplative as she glanced at her reflection over her shoulder.

"So..." she said, in a tone that suggested she was nearing a final decision, "do I look pretty?"

Deidara snorted derisively. "You—"

He paused, catching himself and forcing back the diatribe when she caught his eye. He cleared his throat and muttered, "...you don't look hideous."

"Really?" she asked, eyes sparkling.

His brow knit low in warning. "Don't push it, un."

Pleased, she darted back into the change room. Five minutes later, after she'd finally paid for her items, they emerged back outside and Deidara almost collapsed at the sudden influx of clean, unscented air.

"Wasn't that fun?" Ino asked brightly as he leaned against the side of the building, trying not to fall down. "I'm really starting to feel a familial vibe coming on. You know what this means?"

"It means you leave for the day and I get to go back to my cell?" he asked, not without some genuine hope.

Ino grinned. "It means we test it out on the next eight shops to make sure it wasn't a fluke."

The rest of her shopping spree passed in some nightmarish farce of 'bonding time.' His brain mercifully shut down by the time they made it to the fifth shop and the next three passed in a blur, his only contribution to the experience being to serve as someone to pile her clothes on top of when she went to find more.

The entire process was agonizingly slow, and never, not even on his most gruelling, tedious mission, had he felt so completely and utterly _dead_.

Mercifully, she ran out of money at some point and decided to spend her last few dollars on a memento. He knew it was pointless to deny her, but he felt he had to anyway to spare at least some of his dignity.

"Hell no," he said flatly.

"What are you, camera shy? With that adorable little mug?"

He gave her a look of complete loathing before directing the same look at the photo booth they were standing next to.

"I'm not going in there."

Ino merely smiled.

Ten seconds later he found himself bodily dragged inside and forced to sit as Ino deposited the money and quickly swept in to sit beside him.

The flashbulb went off periodically and she made stupid faces and cute poses while he sat stiffly next to her, trying to stem the impending brain aneurysm. When it was over, she eagerly snatched the photos from the slot and forced him to look at them with her.

Frame 1: Ino playfully sticking her tongue out and Deidara scowling.

Frame 2: Ino holding two fingers over Deidara's head as bunny ears and Deidara glaring at her from the corner of his eye.

Frame 3: Ino slinging an arm around his shoulders and Deidara baring his teeth at her hand as though considering biting it.

Frame 4: Ino holding a lock of Deidara's hair to her upper lip like a moustache and Deidara squeezing his eyes shut and hunching his shoulders in the effort to prevent the vein bursting in his forehead.

"These are great!" she squealed. "I'm so getting that last one enlarged. I mean the straitjacket kinda kills the mood but still—"

Deidara tuned her out, making a mental note to prioritize the destruction of those pictures before attempting an escape. Before he could finish filing the thought away, Ino grabbed the straps on the straitjacket again and began hauling him into the opposite direction.

"I don't know about you," she called over her shoulder, oblivious to his grimace when he saw where she was leading him. "But I always envied those kids who went to playgrounds with their brothers and sisters."

Needless to say, that was exactly where she was taking him, with swings and a slide and a seesaw and everything. Fortunately, Deidara was granted the small mercy of finding the place absent of snivelling kids and he relaxed minutely when Ino went out to the swing set and took a seat on one of them.

Before he could even consider going over to the nearest bench, she glanced over her shoulder and stuck out her tongue.

"Take a swing, loser."

Deidara twitched.

"How am I supposed to do that..." he began lowly, voice escalating into a snarl. "When I can't _move my damn arms_?"

"Yeesh, calm down. You wanna make a good impression on our ANBU babysitters, right?" Ino peered thoughtfully at the sand pit beneath her dangling feet. "How about you push me."

"Push you," Deidara repeated.

"Yeah. Better than just standing there doing nothing."

Deidara almost laughed hysterically at the audacity of her suggestion, losing himself in his anger long enough to stomp over from behind her and knock her off the swing. But when he was within two feet of her, a telltale and warning snap of a branch next to him reminded him of the ANBU's presence and he forced himself to a halt, gritting his teeth in frustration.

Ino glanced up at him, surprised to see him actually standing behind her.

Without giving her a chance to say anything, and more importantly, to dissuade the ANBU from tackling him to the ground, he swallowed his pride and leaned forward enough to give her a small nudge.

The swing moved forward a few inches and back, so he put a little more force into it the second time, hating her all the more for the self-indulgent smile that spread over her face. After a while, she'd only progressed to swinging forward a few feet, her progress hindered by his obvious lack of arms. Not to mention, the medication had muddled his senses and made him clumsy, and he was annoyed to see he couldn't quite get his footing right in the shifting sand.

"You call that pushing?" Ino complained. "Put your weight into it."

Growling in rage, Deidara glanced at the chakra-dense space encompassing the vigilant ANBU members before taking a few steps backwards. He waited for her to swing back towards him, then planted his foot on the back of the seat and kicked forward.

"Higher!" she called as she swung forward from the momentum, inwardly amused when he staggered and nearly face-planted into the ground. "Make it a big push this time!"

"Big push?" he repeated furiously once he'd straightened. "You want a big push? Fine, I'll give you a big push."

This time he dug his feet into the sand for traction, readying him for the moment she swung back down, then rushed forward with what he hoped was enough force to knock her off the swing.

Instead, his shoulder connected with the back of the swing at the exact right moment and sent her soaring high with a squeal of glee while he stumbled and nearly fell over.

"Finally!" he heard her cry from above as he regained his footing. "It's about time you—ohmygodgetoutoftheway!"

By the time he made sense of the incoherent shriek and tried scrambling back to his spot, she swung back down and collided straight into the back of his head, sending him flying.

Ino ground her heels into the dirt to stop the swing, jumping off and rushing to where he'd landed facedown five feet away. When she reached his side, he was trying to roll onto his back, cursing and spitting out clumps of sand. Before she could even attempt helping him, she took one look at his face and choked back a giggle.

"I'm sorry," she said immediately, clearing her throat as he finally struggled into a sitting position. "It's just—haha, the look on your face when—_hahaha_—"

Deidara stared at her, clearly unamused as she dissolved into a fit of hysterical laughter, laughing so hard her face turned red and tears started in the corners of her eyes. Eventually she collapsed sideways onto the sand, clutching her stomach.

Every time she attempted to get a hold of herself and stop, she'd look up and catch his exasperated expression and start laughing all over again, repeating the process until he stood up with a growl of aggravation and stalked off.

"W-Wait!" Ino called, gasping for breath and eventually composing herself enough to go after him.

Deidara ignored her, stomping through the grass until he reached the park bench and sat down. This had gone way too far. If she was attempting to get back at him in some crazy, passive-aggressive way for ruining her life, she had gone well and beyond the calls of duty. He had never felt so mentally and physically abused in his life.

In fact...good God—he was even beginning to miss _Tobi_.

He looked up when he heard her approaching and narrowed his eyes into a vicious glare.

"Come near me again," he began warningly, no longer caring if the ANBU heard, "and I swear I'll blow your head off, un."

Ino put her hands up in a pacifying gesture, stopping a few feet away from him. "Okay, okay, just chill out. We'll leave since it's starting to get dark, anyway, but there's still the fireworks in the park. That's the last stop of the day, I promise."

Deidara opened his mouth to retort, but arguing took far more effort than he was capable of in that moment and he closed it again. Feeling fatigue stiffening his muscles the longer he sat there, he muttered something unintelligible under his breath and slowly stood up.

"Is that a yes?" Ino ventured.

"Just move it already," he snapped.

Grinning triumphantly, she gathered her things and took off at a brisk pace past him, barely giving him time to catch up. It was below him to ask her to slow down so he forced himself to match her pace, even if the effort was costing him whatever energy he had left. Nonetheless, he persisted, ignoring the way tremors started in his legs as the sun gradually sank behind the trees, casting long shadows over the winding footpath that led to the park.

Eventually, the sound of civilian-bought firecrackers could be heard popping in the distance and Deidara felt his legs buckle in relief when they rounded a bend and found themselves overlooking a vast expanse of grass and trees. He surmised that Ino had led them to a overhanging pass, which explained why he felt so damn tired after walking uphill for the past fifteen minutes.

The spot they were at offered more than enough of a vantage point, but Ino continued on towards a steep hill ascending up from the pass. By this time, she'd forgotten her resolve to make every moment of the day as miserable as possible for Deidara, climbing the hill with the sole intent of getting the best view possible. It didn't occur to her to check behind her to see if he was following when she reached the top, and she became occupied with pulling a linen sheet from her bag to drape over the grass.

"This is perfect," she remarked, taking a seat and leaning forward to gaze down at the hundreds of people reclining on the grass below. "We're lucky we got here first."

When there was no answer, Ino glanced over her shoulder and blanched.

Deidara was nowhere in sight.

In a panic, she jumped to her feet, starting forward and about to jump clear off the hill until she heard a muffled curse.

She glanced down and almost laughed when she discovered Deidara lying on the side of the hill just below the summit. His eyes were screwed shut and he was straining in the effort to dig his heels into the ground and push himself up the slope, looking like a giant, squirming worm. Eventually he collapsed back against the grass, gasping for breath as she carefully stepped onto the incline and stood over him with her hands on her hips.

"What's the matter?" she said teasingly. "Did our trip tire you out?"

Up close, she could see that he was absolutely exhausted. The sky had grown dark, but enough light remained to highlight the sweat beading on his forehead and give his skin a ghostly pallor. He opened his eyes to squint begrudgingly up at her.

"Shut up. It's the damn sedatives." His tone grew sullen and he kicked a nearby rock, sending it skittering down the slope. "Can't even climb a stupid hill…"

"That's fine, because you have me to help you out," Ino said, reaching down to grab the straps on the straitjacket. "And no complaints. I don't wanna miss the fireworks."

With that, she dragged him up the rest of the incline and onto the summit, pulling him over to the picnic blanket before releasing the straps. As Deidara struggled into a sitting position next to her, Ino pulled a pair of binoculars from the bag and raised them before her eyes.

"It should start any second now."

She'd barely finished the sentence when the first firecracker shot into the air with a piercing whistle, the sound nearly tapering into silence before it exploded in a shower of vibrant gold.

The audience in the park below could be heard applauding and gasping their appreciation as the second firecracker was immediately followed by a tremendous bang and spiralling blue lights. It continued in that fashion, the explosions eventually revealing a choreographed pattern of colours and size.

Ino lowered the binoculars to take it in, inwardly relating the pattern to the changing notes in a song.

"It's so beautiful," she said appreciatively. "Like seeing music."

When there was no reply, Ino glanced at Deidara from the corner of her eye and found him staring fixedly at the fireworks. She certainly didn't expect him to find the show so riveting, let alone interesting, assuming he'd react with the same scorn he'd shown towards everything else they'd done today.

To her amazement, his lips gradually curved into something resembling a smile, eyes bright and vividly reflecting the raining sparks in the sky. The smile changed his appearance completely, and for a moment Ino felt she was looking at the person behind the missing-nin, someone capable of feeling joy and appreciation towards the same things she did.

She blinked herself out of her reverie, realizing she was smiling because he was smiling, and the feeling left her unsettled.

_S-class missing-nin, _she reminded herself, moving her gaze back to the sky. _Akatsuki member. Terrorist. The list goes on, Ino. Don't be so naive._

The last firework exploded a moment later, raining red sparks down to earth as the audience in the park broke into applause.

With that, she took a deep breath and looked at him again. He'd assumed his look of apathetic disinterest now that the fireworks were over and had moved his gaze elsewhere. At the sight of the familiar expression, she felt the faint stirrings of kinship dissipate and took another deep breath before resuming her façade of cheerfulness.

She reached into her bag and pulled out a plastic container.

"I brought dinner," she said, prising the lid off. "You have to be hungry after running around the whole village with me."

He snorted in disdain and looked away.

She pouted. "Come on, how am I supposed to eat all this myself?"

"I don't want anything," he said frigidly.

To his great shock, Ino reached out and shoved him, not hard enough for it to hurt, but with enough force to send him keeling back over onto the ground in an undignified heap.

"God, you are such a baby!" she exclaimed, oblivious to his murderous expression. "You and I both know you're starving to death. What is it with you and your pride?"

When he managed to get back up, his glare was intense enough to melt lead.

"One look at my situation should make that obvious enough," he hissed.

Ino rolled her eyes and opened her mouth to speak, only to have him cut her off.

"You're just a pathetic, mediocre chuunin, but I used to be feared and respected—both as a shinobi and an artist. And you Konoha bastards took that away from me." His voice grew quiet and bitter. "I'd rather be dead than humiliated like this."

Ino looked taken aback. "Aren't you overreacting a bit? How is this any worse than what you'd do to a captive?"

He stared at her in disbelief before his eyes narrowed. "_How_ is this any worse?"

He jerked his arms inside his constraints in frustration, voice escalating into a shout. "I'm in a straitjacket, damn it! The only freedom I have is to decide if I want to eat or not! Do you know how demeaning that is?"

Ino blinked, about to speak again when he interrupted her.

"Of course you don't—not with your fawning parents and retarded friends spoiling you the way they do. Do you know what I go back to when the day's over? _I_ go back to a cell where they feed me once a day in a dog dish and drug me until I can't move. I'm not even allowed to go to the bathroom by myself! I'm using _fucking Play-Doh_ as an artistic medium!"

Ino reared back in alarm when he moved to his knees and leaned forward, the veins in his neck standing out from the force of his shouting.

"So you, your family, and everyone else in this crappy village can go to hell if you think I can't make this bearable by sparing _whatever's left of my pride_!"

The silence that followed the outburst was deafening.

Ino merely stared at him, wide-eyed and vaguely aware of the foliage rustling slightly to signal the ANBU getting ready to intervene. Before she could form a response, Deidara's shoulders suddenly slackened and he tilted backwards, collapsing onto the grass.

The sight of him falling over was enough to startle her into reacting. She hesitated a moment, looking over at where she'd heard the rustling bushes, but then she cautiously crawled forward and leaned over him.

His expression was contorted in a grimace and he was gasping for breath, blinking perspiration out of his eyes. The fact that he couldn't even muster a glare at her when her head came into view revealed he was completely and utterly spent.

It took all her effort to refrain from making a disparaging remark, but the urge faded anyway once she took in his exhausted appearance.

"You know," Ino said after a moment's silence, "Instead of bottling it up like that, you could've just told me earlier and spared us both the psychotic episode."

When he didn't reply, she sighed and shook her head, reaching out to grab the straps on the straitjacket to pull him up. When her fingers encircled the bindings, she paused, glancing back at him and not missing the fleeting expression of misery that passed over his face.

Reconsidering, she released the straps, hesitating only momentarily before slipping an arm around his shoulders, decidedly gentler than she'd been in her previous efforts. He was practically dead weight and didn't have the energy to resist, allowing her to lift him into a sitting position.

"Jeez," Ino said, raising her eyebrows at his pallid face. "That tantrum really took it out of you."

"Just stop talking," he muttered, staring sightlessly at the ground. "And let go of me."

"I don't think so," she said, grabbing the food container with her free hand. "You're going to eat and you're going to eat now, even if I have to shove it down your throat."

He seemed ready to protest again until he saw what was inside the container.

"It's bakudan," she said, using her free hand and a knife to cut it into pieces. "That's your favourite, right?"

"...how did you know that?" he asked blankly.

"Dad picked up some useful tidbits after looking through your head," Ino shrugged, grabbing chopsticks to pluck up a piece of the bakudan. "Now open up."

When he said nothing, she looked up and found him regarding her warily.

"Why are you doing this?"

Ino narrowed her eyes. "Look, do you want those ANBU to carry you on the way back? You need to eat if you want the energy to walk."

His brow furrowed and he looked resignedly at the food held before his face. With great reluctance, he opened his mouth.

Ino resisted the urge to cry "_finally_!" and decided to feed it to him in silence, slightly wary of his unpredictability and ridiculously sensitive pride now that she'd experienced an outburst firsthand. But then again his feelings were understandable; she could see herself reacting in a similar way had she been in his place.

After a while, she unscrewed the lid on a water bottle and held it up in front of him.

At his disgruntled expression, she narrowed her eyes and shook it slightly. "You didn't drink anything all day. Dehydration's only going to make you worse."

Ino resisted rolling her eyes when he eventually complied, looking for all appearances as though he was drinking cyanide. When she pulled the bottle away and some of the water seeped out over his chin, she dabbed it away with a napkin and ignored his slightly uncomfortable look.

"You don't have to mother me, un."

"I don't have to do a lot of things," she said, pressing the lid back onto the container. Then she looked him over critically. "Can you stand up?"

He tensed in effort and moved away from the support of her arm, eventually managing to stand on quaky legs.

She rose with him, instinctively keeping her hands out just in case she had to catch him. Only when he was steady did she drop her arms, and rather hastily at that, reminding herself it would only serve him right if he fell over again.

Though it was dark, she was still capable of making out the dispersing crowd on the grass below the summit. The sight of them leaving was enough to make her realize just how tired she was, and not just from running around all day.

Her face hurt from forced smiles and there was a mental weariness she could only attribute to reacting with emotions completely opposite to those she naturally felt in his presence.

If she wanted, she could have dropped the act and resumed what felt natural, namely contempt and loathing. But she had energy for neither so she merely gathered her things and led him back down the incline in silence, this time slowing her pace so he could keep up.

The walk back was awkward and quiet and mercifully short as the ANBU led them along a shortcut. For some reason, the silence felt just as unnatural as forced conversation, and this troubled her far more than she expected.

What did she care if he was moody and upset? Why should she care, knowing who he was and the sorts of things he'd done in the past?

She asked herself these questions repeatedly on the way back to the interrogation building, wondering why she couldn't find a concrete answer. By the time they got there and crossed the gate, she gave up, resigning herself to contemplating the questions another day. She was tired, she told herself decidedly, realizing she was walking him back to the main door when she could have just left him at the gate. She was being soft because she was tired and not thinking straight. That was it. Nothing more.

The ANBU cast off their jutsu and reappeared to talk to the guards. At the same time, the front door opened with a dull clang and a guard made to follow Deidara to return him to his cell.

Deidara took a step forward, misjudging the location of the step in the darkness. The noise of the resulting stumble was immediately followed by the sound of metal ringing as the ANBU surrounded him, swords raised above their heads, and Ino realized with a wave of shock that the only thing that stopped them from swinging down right then and there was her stepping out to catch him.

Frozen, she stared between the blank mask of the nearest ANBU member and the shining point of his sword before quickly looking back at Deidara. His face was unreadable and he was oddly still. Despite this, she didn't miss the fleeting look of surprise that passed over his face when he realized that it was her arm steadying him around his shoulders and her hand braced against his chest.

Ino quickly moved away. She gathered her things in a hurry, not looking back as she heard the swords being sheathed and the footsteps of the guard leading Deidara back to his cell. She didn't look back even as she hurried past the gates and back to her house, greeting her parents in a rush before running upstairs to her room.

As soon as she entered, she dropped her bags to the floor and immediately went over to her bed to sit down. When she reached up to feel her neck, her pulse was racing.

_They would have killed him, _she thought repeatedly, staring blankly at the floor. _They would have killed him if I hadn't covered him. They would have killed him right there in front of me._

And because she felt the need to counteract these misplaced concerns, a part of her kept rebutting with a mindless mantra of: _So what? Who cares? So what?_

Before she could think any further, her mother appeared in her doorway and gave her a concerned look. "Are you all right, sweetheart? You look pale. Have you eaten?"

Ino stared at her for a moment in silence. Then she stood up, went over to her and hugged her.

Her mother wordlessly hugged her back, and Ino decided she'd save the thinking for tomorrow.

At least that way, just for the night, she could continue fooling herself into thinking she hadn't felt that brief moment of fear when the prison door had clanged shut behind him.


End file.
